Life Lessons in Gratitude and Grace

~Spring of 1996~ My heart beat rapidly and my thoughts raced wildly, as a deep fear managed to wrap itself around every fiber of my being. Everything felt surreal as I tried to process the words coming through the phone. "We have your son, Derek, locked in an interior office of the building for his own safety and protection," said a staff member of my son's Middle School. She continued on, "We received a call from an alert parent of another student letting us know a gun was making its way onto campus via the backpack of a young man who had boldly bragged to some of his peers that he had a bullet with Derek's name on it. Fortunately, we were able to intervene in a timely manner. That student, along with his backpack, have been detained and are now with the local police. You do need to come get Derek, as there may be others involved. We have no way of knowing until we get things sorted out." "Of course I will come as soon as possible," I numbly replied. As I hung up the phone, I had to remind myself to breathe and literally force myself to hold it together because I had a classroom full of precious fifth grade students I needed to calmly face in the next moment. Drawing on a deep inner strength, I managed to do just that. Then I opened the door connecting my classroom with the teacher's room next door and asked him to cover my class for a short time. Heading directly to the office, I was grateful to find my principal was there and available. After appraising her of the situation, she assured me my class would be taken care of for the remainder of the day. Returning to my classroom in what felt like slow motion, I let my students know I needed to leave and reassured them I would be back the next day. After retrieving my coat and purse, I made my way down the long hallway (that felt longer than ever) and then out to the parking lot into the beautiful spring sunshine. I was acutely aware the the warmth of the brilliant sun did little to stop the chills running through my body. Feeling completely numb, I drove the short distance home to call my husband at work to convey the news. In the privacy of our home, the anxiety and fear I had kept at bay out of necessity, completely enveloped me. I was barely able to speak as torrents of tears poured down my face and my entire body shook uncontrollably. He was somehow able to understand enough to tell me he was heading home immediately and to wait for him. I felt conflicted in that moment, as my son's school was only a few blocks further down the road and I needed to get to him. However, the realization that I was in no condition to drive hit me hard. I was also painfully aware I was not prepared to face this alone. I needed the strength and support of my husband. I was grateful for the simple fact that the staff member had reassured me Derek was safe for the time being and because I was at school teaching when she contacted me, she knew it would take some time to make sure my students were cared for. As I awaited my husband's arrival, questions were racing through my brain at a rapid-fire pace: * "Is this really happening?" * "How is it possible?" * "Who would want to hurt Derek, and why?" My mind flashed back to Derek's younger years. He was a sweet, compassionate, endearing, very intelligent little boy who brought happiness to everyone he encountered. His dimpled smile and joyful laughter not only quickly lit up a room, but also had a way of filling your heart. How did he get from there to here? Other than some poor decision making in the sixth grade, Derek continued to be academically and athletically strong. He had a deep love of family and faith. Nothing was making any sense. Suddenly, I was startled by a loud, deeply painful, gut wrenching scream that echoed off the walls. It took me a moment to realize that had come from me. I fell to my knees and cried out, "Someone, anyone, PLEASE tell me what is happening!" Sobbing uncontrollably, my back began to ache from the heaving as I gasped trying desperately to get some air into my lungs. When I finally heard my husband enter through the back door, I felt a sense of relief and comfort encompass me. My shaking began to subside, as my breathing slowed down some, but the river of tears continued to flow. Little did we know of all that was yet to come...