Scared Lovers

Harriet was sitting in her car, her arms wrapped over the steering wheel, head resting on them, rocking on them. She’d parked in the car park of a reserve around the corner from her flat. She had to pull herself together before she went home, knowing she’d be walking into an interrogation from Laurina, her well intentioned yet highly inquisitive flatmate. Tonight had been her third date with Henry, and Laurina had plied Harriet with a textbook of advise, before shuffling her out the door three hours earlier. “What am I going to do?” pleaded Harriet to herself as she lifted her head and gazed out the windscreen at the plovers picking grubs from the oval. She was torn and confused. On one hand she felt a warm golden buzz vibrating across her chest, following another incredible night with this charismatic, cheeky, playful guy who although very chatty and warm, never seemed to say very much at all. The enigma of him kept her curious and seeking more. So that was her heart speaking. But then there was the matter of her gut. Since leaving him on the wharf to make her way home it seemed to have tied itself in knots and was now performing back-flips. Harriet hadn’t been in a serious relationship for nearly two years. And it hadn’t ended well. In fact, it hadn’t started well either. Regardless of the fact, she’d been with Tom on and off for nearly five years. When it finally met its inevitable end once and for all, Harriet was left feeling as though she’d run a marathon fuelled only by cigarettes and sugar whilst being coerced up the hills by a club. It was wild, and fun and frivolous and dangerous. And it nearly killed her. The past two years had been a time of healing for her and she was just getting to the good part – the part where she was finally beginning to get to know herself, feel good about herself, care for herself. She wasn’t sure she was ready to take her new self for a spin in a relationship sense. She still had work to do. And along came Henry. ~ Henry wasn’t in a rush to head home. He was feeling the moment and decided to linger a little longer on the wharf, gazing out at the way the moon’s light skipped over the ripples on the water. His lungs urged him to take a deep breath in, almost as though they knew what was coming, as though they were saying to him ‘get ready mate, this is going to be big’. Henry liked to have fun. He didn’t take life too seriously and the last few years, if he were to be honest, were a revolving door of gorgeous women. To Henry, women were a bit of a hassle, they were needy and emotional and when they seemed to be getting serious, Henry just shot through. But this girl was different. He didn’t give much thought as to in which way Harriet was different, he never really gave much thought to anything. But what he did know was that he liked her in a different way than he’d liked anyone before, and as he turned his back on the sea, hands in pockets, he grinned like a fool. If he had any awareness of the way he felt beyond this, he would have heard the voice of self-doubt saying ‘You have no idea what you’re doing, you’re gonna mess this up’ and ‘I know she’s fun now but you just wait, she’ll be hard work before long’. And it’s a good thing he didn’t hear that voice, because he might just have paid attention to it while he still could. ~ “Well?!” said Laurina, jumping up from the couch as Harriet walked through the door, dropping the book she was reading to the floor. Harriet’s face looked like the ‘despair’ emoji. “What?!” urged Laurina. Harriet paused, glaring at her friend. She’d known Laurina since grade eleven, when Laurina’s family moved here from interstate. Although it had been just over ten years now, it felt, as it always had, like a lifetime. Laurina had a way of knowing Harriet better than she knew herself at times and although it meant they had a bond beyond anything Harriet had ever known, at times it made her feel uncomfortable. In the past they’d blued about it, Harriet having to tell her to ‘butt out’ and Laurina had respected her wishes. But right now wasn’t that time and Laurina knew it. “Oh, come here honey,” she said, wrapping her arms around her bestie. And then the mind reading began. “You had a great night, didn’t you?” She felt Harriet’s head nod into her neck. “And you’re scared you’re gonna mess it up. And you don’t want to get hurt.” She heard a muffled, wet “uh-ha”, confirming her suspicions. Harriet let out a few tears of relief, grateful that she didn’t have to put her feelings into words herself. And Laurina held her just a little while longer.