There are two parts to my story. One describes my journey that leads from a small village in post war Europe to places that became dear to me and to people who taught me about themselves by letting me observe them. I will describe places I discovered and people I encountered along the way. To protect the identity of individuals all names of persons and the actual places have been changed or omitted.
This journey will be presented as a memoir. It contains scenes I remember and stories I was told by friends and family. The desire to write my story emerged after I was injured in a head on collision with an impact speed of 120 mph New Year’s Eve of 2008. A seventeen-year-old child was in the vehicle with me. We were struck by an oncoming vehicle in a blind curve in our lane. There was no time to react. This accident ended my life and my world as I knew it. It put me into a place I didn't know existed. It forced me down to the bottom of a black hole. I had to learn how to climb out and find the light again, once I had reached rock bottom. The alternative would have been to end my own life. In the process of learning how to reconnect with my life I realized how many people there are, who have suffered trauma. I learned that there is a hidden side to trauma that no one can see. It is more difficult to treat and takes longer to heal than the physical wounds we can watch as they heal. Trauma victims are in need of protection, encouragement, counselling and therapy without drugs, long after the physical wounds are healed. It is impossible to see the shift in the mind of an injured person that takes them from functioning well, to being disconnected, paranoid and one inch away from homelessness and suicide. The victim still looks the same as she or he did the day before the trauma happened. This book is more about trauma than about myself. I am just one of the victims and my recovery is one of many.
I recognize those who stood by me even though I was unable to see them, hear them or to show them my appreciation. Outstanding was the encouragement and help I received from my trauma counsellor who stopped the race to ending my life. I reached a point in my healing process at which confronting my past was holding the key to full recovery. Understanding and forgiving myself and others, took a great burden off my shoulders. I share these experiences, hoping that it might help my readers find their own healing process and to bring hope to those who feel embarrassed or ashamed by a condition, that they have fallen victim to, without fault of their own.
May you seek help. It can be done. You are not alone.
This memoir describes the author’s discovery of Post -Traumatic Stress disorder after a 120mph accident that caused him to become suicidal.
He describes the experience and compares how he has experienced life before and how trauma altered his perceptions and reactions of family and community around him.
In his ‘flooding moments’ by the side of the road, he sees his life stream before his inner eye, only
this time the events are tainted by a filter that causes him to feel the pain and forget the way he was coping with life before the accident.
He meets a trauma counsellor who takes him step by step into healing by building new coping skills,
using Emotional Freedom Technique as one of several ways to rebuild his life from the brink of suicide.
Writing this memoir is part of the healing process.
He now wants to share his experience of reinventing life. With all who have suffered trauma .
About the Author
Ilmarinen Vogel is a renaissance man, who grew up in post war Germany. He’s one of the five boys and five girls, he was the seeker and scout. Studying French horn, he visited 15 countries, became a master in Biodynamic farming, finally a builder. An accident caused PTSD. Writing and poetry saved his life.