F*CK FEAR

PART ONE 1 Fuck Fear: Life as a Woman Today ‘Consciousness is the state that induces action, though it does not inspire it. You are free to believe what you choose, and what you do attests to what you believe’ – Foundation for Inner Peace, A Course in Miracles Life for a woman today is busier than ever. But I think it’s important to examine the limiting idea that we have it harder than women from previous generations. Yes, women today are vulnerable to more distractions than ever, but I would like to propose that life is not actually any harder for this generation. Life being harder implies that trying to run a home, have a family and a career are what’s causing the sense of disconnection and level of stress and unhappiness we see in our society today. I don’t think this is the case. Instead, women today fall prey to being distracted and are kept in the mindset of being too busy because they are surrounded by things such as unrealistic life and beauty advertising campaigns, magazines promoting too-thin models whose photographs are manipulated to make them appear ‘perfect’, social media and reality TV… the list goes on. All of these project a picture-perfect lifestyle that’s unattainable because it’s false, drawing women outside of themselves in a bid to find an easy, quick fix for happiness. For many it’s too easy to lose themselves in the daydream of this seemingly perfect stress- and worry-free life as they try to escape the mediocre conundrum that their own lives often are on a day-to-day basis. Watching glamorous housewives as they go about their lives, draped in jewels, fast cars and exquisite designer clothes is often a fun relief for many women, especially if their life falls closer to dirty nappies, house chores and ‘what do I cook for dinner tonight?’ I get it, everyone is guilty of a little escapism, and there’s nothing wrong with it – in moderation and with a balanced, sensible perspective. Unfortunately, like everything when it offers relief and escapism from internal suffering, it can become addictive and the lines between fun entertainment and a complete loss of reality often happen. The need to escape can cause addiction, which come in many forms. Addiction is not just linked to drugs or alcohol. Shopping, cosmetic surgery, watching Reality TV, or Soaps can all be highly addictive. It is often reported that Facebook is now a concerning addiction for many, with how many likes, hearts and comments you get on your latest post determining how your mood and self-esteem will be for the rest of your day! Then and Now To illustrate my earlier point about generational differences, let’s compare women now and women in history to see if we have it harder. Take a look at a typical woman from 1917. We’ll call her Sylvia. Sylvia has worked from the age of 13, when she was in service, working as a maid. She married at 17. Once married, her days were spent having babies and working in the family home. She had five children. In those days there were no modern appliances helping with laundry, vacuuming or cooking. Keeping a house and taking care of the children was more than a full-time job. When the First World War began, Sylvia also worked in the nearby munitions factory, making weapons Before the war, Sylvia’s husband’s role was solely to work and make an income, and he expected his dinner on the table each evening when he came home. When he went to war, Sylvia worked, and took care of the children and household alone. There were no convenience foods or Jamie Oliver Fifteen Minute Meals, so everything had to be prepared from scratch, and bought fresh most days; no fridges. Now let’s take a look at Sylvia in 2017. Like a number of women today, Sylvia has attended university and gained a degree, with this she got a job in marketing. Sylvia works full time and her children attend school. Sylvia’s husband helps with drop off and pick up, and Sylvia still does all the cooking and cleaning but is very much helped by her husband and all the modern-day conveniences. Sometimes Sylvia even has a cleaner and occasionally the family eat out. Of course, there are many variations to both these stories, these are simply a general summary and comparison of what women’s roles were and presently are. The point I’m trying to highlight by comparing these examples is that women today do not have it harder than women a hundred years ago, we just have different problems to deal with. Women have worked in some capacity and still had children and taken care of the family since the dawn of time. It’s not having a career and a family that’s the problem here. To me, it seems the real problem lies in the need to reach outside of yourself for happiness, for answers and for fulfilment, keeping your mind busy, noisy and in a state of haste. I believe you must learn how to tune into yourself again to find what you’re looking for. Your answers are always inside you. Anyone can sign themselves into a monastery or ashram and meditate all day every day to seek enlightenment. But the world doesn’t work like that for most of us. Your ashram or your monastery can be your relationship with yourself, or as a mother, with your children and with your partner who has embarked on this journey with you. I believe you can find time for your own self growth through the practices of self-awareness, self-compassion and meditation in amongst the chaos of daily life. You can find peace and love in a relationship with another human being with both your shadows and Egos tussling it out, both trying to co-exist and co-parent. If you can do that and be happy, then you’re well on your way to enlightenment or simply a happier, less stressed life. What is missing today is not that women have more to do, more pressure and more stress. It’s that somehow their ancestral gifts of emotional strength and wisdom, once passed down through the generations collectively through women’s unconscious minds, are now missing. As a result, women are now not only disconnected from their True Selves, their higher self and God, but disconnected from the wise whisperings of their ancestors, too, which always served to guide them. To rediscover her feminine strength, and true wise power, a woman must first reconnect to herself and her Inner Teacher. There sits in all of us a Universal energy which connects and guides us. To be connected with your True Self is to be connected with your Inner Teacher and to this energy. Because of distraction and today’s busy, often chaotic, lives, women, especially when they become a mum, get pulled out of themselves and away from their True Self, their Inner Teacher and the love of the Universe. Some women who have children find that they lose any trace of who they used to be and are now an amalgamation of their kids. To be a great mum, you don’t have to lose every aspect of who you are. In fact, if you correctly use the spiritual lessons that having children and being in a committed relationship to raise those children can bring, you can emerge to be your absolute best and reach your highest potential.