The Relevance of Belief in Cancer Treatment

You have cancer, and it needs to be addressed.

Oh, my God, I silently said, realizing I would have to go home and break the news to my wife, Cecilia, and our kids, Fernando, Alejandra, and Gabriel. There was no way around this. On August 11, 2011, everything in our lives had instantly changed, seemingly for the worst.

After being married for thirty-nine years, I thought it best to be straightforward with Cecilia about what the doctors had diagnosed. The news hit her just as hard as it had impacted me. Her eyes welled with tears for a second or two, and then she composed herself and gave me a hard hug. “We are just going to have to get over this and get you better,” she said, looking straight into my eyes as she reassuringly took my hand to start our journey into uncharted waters.

Cancer is an insidious disease. It can be a trickster and a changeling.

Finally got the preliminary lab work done and the insurance is on board, so I am set to start radiation treatment next week. It will last for about four weeks so if you see something glowing in the night, do not fear!  It is probably me wandering in the dark side, pondering on the meaning of life while they try to burn these cells that I have developed that I am told apparently have forgotten how to die…

I did not feel any different after the radiation. I did not smell burnt or felt tired after the overall three hours or so it took from the time I left home until I got back

It is with the confidence arising from this intimacy I dare to convey deep feelings I experience surging in me with the momentum of flood waters racing to reach the sea, fast falling from the heights of a tall mountain range. Perhaps it is the appearance of this cancer in my life that will be the catalyst that precipitates the uncovering of The Heart of Heaven, a tale about a mystic splendor shimmering in the confines of my imagination that I have been trying to describe for quite a long while.

I was fortunate in that it was a very treatable type of cancer and that I found a medical team that was wise about how to go about treating it. The reality of death acquiring a face in my life was not scary but made me wonder if I was going to be able to accomplish things that I still want to get done and go to places I still want to visit. 

Thanks to God everything seems to be on the right track.

…until a checkup on September 2013 raised a red flag.

I could tell the results of the CT scan were not good by Dr. Fu’s grave look when she entered the encounter room. She asked how I was feeling to which I replied not great. She explained that the scans showed that my lymphoma had turned aggressive and spread into multiple locations. “You have and aggressive lymphoma that urgently needs attention.” 

Fighting this cancer needs to become your full-time job.

I am going to need heavy chemo treatment sooner than later and may require a bone marrow transplant.

The realization is surreal to find myself starting a process to poison my body to fight a malignancy that unchecked will kill me in short order.

Interesting to see how the nurses and techs prep you up to make sure they do not kill you with all the harsh chemicals they give you to fight cancer.

The chemo is hard on the body. I do not have a severe discomfort but an overall body“sourness. I can feel the drugs working inside me.

I am keeping in good spirits although the cumulative effect of the chemo is taking its toll. I am lucky not to have experienced severe side effects at large, but I can feel the damage that the harsh chemicals they give me are doing to my body. 

I experience parts of me withering out of my control, other than having given my consent to the treatment. 

I have faith that in the shadow of my heart resides the source of wondrous manifestations, happenings in our world, that without a physical explanation impact us as if we were to walk into a brick wall.

Away from public worship, I uncovered a Light that is the source of unknowable manifestations.

It is a presence, to give it a name, that illuminates the way to follow when encountering the many forks and choices that appear in that road each one of us travels that is our lives. The Heart of Heaven is how I call this presence that animates the heartbeats of my life, that drives my spirit to keep going in the pursuit to image “something covered with forests,” a splendorous birthright that is imperative for us to realize. 

Wizard, it is amazing how far science has taken us when you experience firsthand the wonders of it all. More than the material achievement of keeping me alive when in other times I might have already died, it has given me the opportunity to glimpse in the depth of my soul the Light that animates us all. Like you wisely pointed out, it is a once in a lifetime opportunity to be able to come back, and God willing, to share the experience. 

This has been an incredible experience, and I am thankful to still be around to talk about it. I believe that in the shadow of my heart resides The Heart of Heaven, the source of life. This belief comforted and guided me through the darkness that threatened to engulf my life. Now I feel obligated to make this second chance on life count. I have high expectations of what is yet to unfold and have the confidence that it will be good.