The Shame of it All….
The first thing I would like to make clear is that it took a very long time to admit to the fact that I had an eating disorder. Many years had to pass even after my healing of this self induced disease before I could tell anyone my story. I felt that people would see me as a failure, or weak. Today I feel very different about that time of my life. Sometimes the worst things that happen in your life can end up being the greatest blessings. A bad experience can end up being a good thing as long as you learn something from it. It can end up an even better thing if you use your knowledge to better your life. Ultimately it can even become a wonderful experience if you use the same knowledge to help other people. That’s why I have chosen to share my story with you.
My eating disorder was Bulimia, but I truly believe that all eating disorders are basically the same. Whether you are Bulimic, Anorexic, or significantly overweight (without underlying physical reasons for the weight), you have an unhealthy relationship to food. As a result, you also have an unhealthy self image. Your, self image is not healthy because you are either overweight, or you think you are overweight, or you are afraid of becoming overweight. Whatever the reason, it’s not a healthy circumstance. You’ve also forgotten that your “self” is not just the physical body that you see in the mirror. In fact the physical body is more like a vehicle for the self, a way to access the self in the physical world. There is nothing wrong with having a nice looking vehicle, as long as you realize that the main purpose of that vehicle is to enable you to function in the world. The better care you take of your vehicle, the better it will serve you to function in this world. Taking care of your vehicle also leads to a more attractive vehicle. The important thing to remember is that is not WHO YOU REALLY ARE.
Another thing that I have learned through my experience is that most disorders, or obsessive behaviors, are a result of an unresolved issue or hurt, which you have experienced in your life. You may not remember the experience, but it happened most definitely. Surely you can’t believe that you were just born with an obsessive behavior. You didn’t just pop out of your mother with a desire to eat unrealistic amounts of food, or gamble away all your money, or stay high all day long. These obsessions are just the way you deal with the pain that resulted from your bad experience. They give you some kind of relief or comfort from the pain that won’t go away. This is the problem; it’s about the same as putting a band aid on the spot where a sword just pierce your heart. It might catch a little of the bleeding, but the situation will ultimately get worse unless something else is done.