Create Your Happiest Life from the Inside Out

CHAPTER 3: Give Yourself Permission to Search for Meaning. “Once we accept that life is meant to be a journey of discovery to find true meaning, we awaken to our birthright to experience true happiness.” Meaning makes life worth living- it puts the pep in our step and injects our days with enthusiasm and joy. Do you remember at school when you were forced to study subjects and concepts which you could not relate to, or understand where, when or how you would ever use that knowledge? It bored you senseless and seemed a total waste of time because it was not relevant to your direction or interests. I know I reached that point at school where I simply had that feeling I was just treading water and being forced to put off the discovery of something far more important- the meaning of MY LIFE! Sure there is foundational knowledge we all need to learn at school to provide us with a solid basis to give us a good start, but there is a reason why some kids excel at Maths, Science, others at English, some at Art, Drama or Woodwork. We are all unique and have been born with different natural abilities. It is my belief that children should not necessarily be asked ‘what do you want to be when you grow up?’, but rather ‘what do you get excited about- what is your greatest talent you could share with the world?’. We all have special gifts and it is up to each individual to give themselves permission to discover and take ownership of those wonderful gifts. As parents, encouraging our children to develop the courage it takes to step into their full power and discover their natural abilities and passions, is our greatest gift we can give to them. The best way to do this is by example- walk the talk! If we put our own dreams on hold until our children are all grown up, we will do nothing but show life is a compromise. Howard Thurman said it so well: “Don’t ask yourself what the world needs, ask yourself what makes you come alive and then go and do that, because what the world needs is people who are alive.” A lot of time and attention seems to get invested in convincing young adults to follow a certain career path, simply for reason of income security and certainty of direction. In the process of pleasing others, many of us lose heart, forgetting what ideas inspired us the most when we first launched into this big world. We start out believing the ‘world is our oyster’-only to spend our time doing things which seem pointless, stressful, distracting and de-energising- and even worse, prioritise these activities over tasks that otherwise would bring us joy and contentment. Instead of expanding into our true potential as a person, we shrink and diminish, reducing our ability to stimulate the best in ourselves as well as the best in others. Our lives must have personal meaning and purpose if we are to feel fulfilled and happy. Viktor E. Frankl was a Professor of Neurology and Psychiatry at the University of Vienna Medical School. He also spent three years during World War II in concentration camps, including Theresienstadt, Auschwitz, and Dachau, where believe it or not, he formulated many of his key ideas in his approach to help liberate people from their own self-imposed suffering. Logotherapy, his own developed psychotherapeutic approach, is founded on the belief that our main motivation for living, is our will to find meaning in this life. To endure this horrific experience in the Nazi concentration camps, he had to pool every last inner resource he could muster. He discovered that it is what we tell ourselves about the present moment and our belief in not only a future, but a purposeful reason for persisting, that is all that stands between life and death when we teeter on the cusp of despair. For some, it is enough that they consider our spark of existence is sacred, thus they would never conceive of giving up. For others, it is people or things that they are greatly attached to. In yet other instances, we may feel we have unfinished business to take care of and that prevents us from taking our leave early. Generally, the more we have that we believe is worth fighting for and worth hanging around to enjoy, the less likely we are to consider suicidal thoughts. But in the case of Viktor, in the hellhole he found himself trapped in, what did he still have to live for? In his well known book “Man’s Search for Meaning” it tells of his predicament... “His father, mother, brother, and his wife all died from malnutrition or had been sent to the gas ovens, so that, apart from his sister, his entire family perished in these camps. How could he- every possession lost, every value destroyed, suffering from hunger, cold and brutality, hourly expecting extermination- how could he find life worth preserving?” He began to think more in terms of protecting the last vestige of his beliefs, which were the one thing they could not take from him and the only thing left that he could still control. He remembers a pivotal moment when he said to himself, “No matter what you do to me, you cannot make me live in hatred!” Viktor began to understand that we are more than a reactive being and no-one else can find life meaning for us- this we must connect to ourselves, much like plugging a lamp into an electric power point to shine forth the light. Without the electrical current which can be considered as ‘meaning’, we do not discover our true potential, our existence lacks purpose and we are more inclined to give up mid- task or even mid-life. “There are only two ways to live- one as though nothing is a miracle, the other as if everything is.” Albert Einstein. If we place life on a pedestal and classify it as being a true miracle, then feelings of unhappiness should be the exception, not the rule, as that which we hold in awe makes it very difficult to become complacent in it’s presence. Unhappy feelings generally come from focusing on what we don’t have, so the key is to fill up any void with the knowing that we are rich beyond measure in being alive every day! Have you ever asked someone ‘How’s things?’ and they have surprisingly responded to you with ‘I’m great! I woke up this morning so couldn’t be happier!’ We don’t often hear that do we, but we should. Life is amazing and miraculous and we owe it to the forces of creation to explore it with child like abandon and excitement, expressing daily gratitude for our opportunity to be here on Earth and accepting our responsibility to make our existence really matter. I lost my mother to breast cancer almost nine years ago. She was taken too early from this world at age 69, less than a month before she was due to have her 70th birthday, which she was trying hard to remain in this world long enough for. If you’d known my mum, you would know her as someone who lived fully and embraced life energetically-she had been very fit and active, absolutely loved gardening and had a natural green thumb. She was also a very loving, caring parent whom I had many, many long discussions into the night with, in wonderment of what life was really all about when I was a just a teenager. I remember our attempts at meditating together- we would put a tape cassette on to listen to Ian Gawler for guided meditation (an amazing man who had experienced cancer and survived) and in the process of quietening our minds, we would find it hard not to burst out laughing during the beginning of the meditation. Even if one of us could contain our mirth, the other would lose it instead, setting off the other. In the end we realised the only way we were going to have a productive meditation, was to do it in separate rooms!