Getting Naked
On Being Emotionally Transparent at the Right time, the Right Place, and with the Right Person
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Life is continuously providing us information or “messages.” When we do not listen, the messages become lessons. When we do not learn, the lessons become problems. When we don’t address the problems, they become crises. When crises go unresolved, they create chaos in our lives. Great students of life seek to live on the levels of messages and lessons, not waiting for them to become problems, crises and chaos. Keeping life’s processes on the lesson and message level makes living so much more enjoyable. As is often said, no matter how hard we plan, shit happens. It’s what we do with it and how we respond that matters most. Having someone to share your naked truth with is crucial to your resilience. Being witnessed makes you feel held, which in turn makes you more receptive to life’s bigger purpose. From there, you can become more able to re-awaken your awareness of your own inner identity, to discover your personal/professional vision and purpose, to sharpen communication with yourself and others. The ultimate result is being able to live in such an intentional manner that who you are as a person becomes the catalyst for a fulfilling experience of this precious time on earth. To break free of the patterns that bind us, we need to tear down the iron curtain of our public selves. Becoming real is inextricably intertwined with being fully seen by another. Instead of hiding from our pain, we need to befriend and tend it. We do that by feeling the pain, naming it, and surprisingly—sharing our pain with another. The ability to become clear about who you are and accurate about what you bring to life is what I call naked truth. Our wounds can mask our greatest gifts. When we can reframe our wounds into an opportunity for growth, we tap into a fierce resilience we didn’t even know we had. Oftentimes, though, we keep our wounds hidden in our shadow self, alongside our secrets, thinking this will somehow keep us safe. The shadow serves as some dark place where we can unconsciously keep all the “bad” parts of ourselves that we don’t want to acknowledge and that we don’t want others to come in contact with. Yet in our shadow lies not only our dark side, but also our unrealized strengths and creativity. When we shine light on the wounds and the secrets in our shadow self, we invite a more authentic way of living. I will say more about this is chapter 4, but let me just say here that wholeness comes from the ability to open the vault on occasion and share our dreams and aspirations or hurts and scars with another, so they don’t suck the life force out of you like a psychic vampire. One way of recognizing our shadow is to pay attention to what strongly attracts or repels us in others. What kind of person are you attracted to? What kind of person really repels you or do you choose to avoid? What is a part of yourself that you wish would just go away? Many times I have heard my clients say something like, “I have this problem, or old wound and I would like to resolve it or make it go away.” I have found what we want so much to go away sticks to us like Velcro. Instead of pushing it away, by acknowledging it, first for yourself, and then with another, you can ironically find the resolution you seek. I hope you find ways to find the places, the people, and the moments when you can get a little naked, and reclaim your full humanity. And finally, here are some steps to consider for finding a committed listener for deep sharing you know you need to do. 1. Test the waters slowly…you really cannot trust everyone, but you can trust some and a few is all you need. Educate those who you think you can trust to be confidential and that they don’t have to fix you….just hear you. 2. Write about your shames, blames, scars, or unshared dreams and aspirations first to yourself. This will help you desensitize yourself to the story you tell. Then have a live conversation about some aspect of this journaling with a trusted other….do NOT write details to another at this stage…share in the moment, to hear yourself and to be heard by another who can hold what you share and keep it sacred to you. 3. Hire a professional to speak to…a therapist, counselor, coach, or minister. But research them first! Make sure of their credentials and reputation from other clients. 4. Imagine the space in your heart and soul that you will open if that which you have hidden in the darkness is brought into the light. Who will you become? How will you live? Remember. Don’t take it personally. Opinions are just that…they are not the truth but someone’s perspective just as your view is. The ability and wiliness to stay present to another’s nakedness is something that many people cannot do. That is why taking it slow, being cautious, but not paralyzed is important. Find your trustworthy few, and cherish them. And you can return the favor by being a committed listener to others.
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About the Book
If today you are no longer willing to settle for mediocrity in your work, relationships, and your life, this book is for you. Within these pages is the powerful secret to unlocking your fullest potential as a career person, a parent, a friend, a mate, a lover, a human being. How? Through getting naked. Getting Naked is about living life as the fullest, most authentic version of you. It’s about cutting the crap--releasing the baggage that has held you hostage for so long and embracing all of you; the good parts, the bad parts, the public parts, and the shadow parts, so you can integrate them and become an even stronger force of positivity in the universe, through the secrets of honest self-disclosure. (The key is it discover where and with whom to be emotionally naked--being vulnerable does not mean being stupid and careless.) For example: Practice being emotionally naked at the right place and the right time with the right people to release your negative patterns and create a provocative catalyst for reflection. Uncover “new” or hidden parts of yourself that can guide you to create a more fulfilling life. Apply the tools of naked self-disclosure to all areas of your life so you can enjoy greater meaning and satisfaction. This is a book of stories, strategies, and tips, designed to overcome the negative self-narratives that obscure personal resilience and wellbeing. There comes a time when you have to defy the voices that hold you back. Getting Naked teaches you that it is your indisputable birthright to question any limitation--anything that gets in the way of your own magnificence. This book will provide you the inspiration, tools, self-discovery and support to share your naked truth and in so doing to fulfill your uniqueness every day.
About the Author
Dr. Patrick Williams, Ed. D., Master Certified Coach, Board Certified Coach One of the early pioneers of coaching, Pat is often called the ambassador of life coaching. Pat has been a licensed psychologist since 1980 and began executive coaching in 1990 with Hewlett Packard, IBM, Kodak and other companies along the front range of Colorado. Most recently Pat has focused his coaching on private corporations and Federal government entities going through transitions and adaptive leadership challenges in the nonprofit community. He is a member of PHI BETA KAPPA and CUM LAUDE graduate of Kansas University in 1972. He completed his masters in Humanistic Psychology in 1975 (University of West Georgia) and doctorate in Transpersonal Psychology in 1977, (University of Northern Colorado) His dissertation was Transpersonal Psychology and the Evolution of Consciousness. Pat joined Coach U in 1996, closed his 16-year therapy practice six months later and became a full time coach. Pat was a senior trainer with Coach U from 1997-1998. He then started his own coach training school, the Institute for Life Coach Training (ILCT) which specializes in training those with a human services orientation. ILCT has trained thousands of human service professionals on six continents. Pat is department chair of the Coaching Psychology program at the International University of Professional Studies, and has taught graduate coaching classes at Colorado State University and Denver University, Fielding University, Loyola University, City University of London and many others. He was also a curriculum consultant for the Coaching Certificate program at Fielding International University. Pat is a past board member of the International Coach Federation (ICF), and co-chaired the ICF regulatory committee. He is past president of ACTO, the Association of Coach Training Organizations and an honorary VP of the International Society of Coaching Psychology. Pat was also honored in 2008 as the educator of the year for the New England Educational Institute. In May of 2006 Pat was awarded the first Global Visionary Fellowship by the Foundation of Coaching for his Coaching the Global Village, initiative to bring coaching methodologies to villages in developing countries and to leaders of nonprofits and nongovernmental organizations who serve them. He is passionate about coaching and dedicated to ensuring it remains a respected profession. Current projects have included teaching coaching to dozens of federal prisoners, speaking at their graduation ceremonies and currently working on a documentary film about the power of the coach approach for those in prison and for re-entry success back into society. And he is a certified trainer for Points of You ™ an international training company with tools for inspiration and creative communication. Pat has authored multiple articles and has co-authored the following books: • Therapist as Life Coach: Transforming Your Practice (2nd Edition 2007) • Total Life Coaching: 50+ Life Lessons, Skills, and Techniques to Enhance your Practice and Your Life (2005) • The Law and Ethics in Coaching: How to Solve and Avoid Difficult Problems in Your Practice (2006) • Becoming a Professional Life Coach: Lessons from the Institute for Life Coach Training (2nd ed. 2015) Most recently he is a contributor to The Philosophy and Practice of Coaching (Chapter 1, 2008) Pat continues to coach, train, speak, and lead in the ever evolving field of professional, life, and wellness coaching. This new book, for a more general public is his first teaching memoir. Getting Naked: Emotional Transparency at the Right Time, the Right Place, and with the Right Person.