26 Days To Practice Peace

This book started as a random scribbling in my writing journal in 2013. I started to make an alphabetical list of words that I live my life by, or words that I call upon when my life is in the toilet. I was curious. I wanted to know if there was a word for every letter. There was. Then I thought I could take my list, expand it somehow, and have a gift to give as a small roadmap from distraction to discovery. Read. Reflect. Resolve. The goal is to commit to some small action for 24 hours 26 different times. Disclaimer: Resolving to “be better, do better” is a pain in the ass. You are forced to look into a mirror that reflects the things you need to work on about yourself but may not even realize the need exists at all. How can you tell you have found something to work on? They might be your worst days, or even the boring days. The desire to become a better friend, partner, teammate, coworker, ultimately a better person, lies in your ability to acknowledge room for improvement. Those areas are the things we don’t really relish examining, but if change is what you want, then the most difficult things you face are the ones with the best opportunity for growth. *** A Is for Accept The first thing to embrace here is that acceptance does not imply approval of, agreement with, admiration of, or any type of absolution. I means, “IT IS.” For today as each thing unfolds, accept it without judgment—good or bad, ugly or pretty, thick or thin, hot or cold, disaster or miracle. IT just IS, and it is simply unfolding for you. Being able to accept things into my world—as they are—is not a skill developed over night. This is not for wimps. This is perhaps one of the hardest things I do on an ongoing basis. In small doses though, I can stop myself from overreacting to things and remind myself to just let IT be. When I am able to do this my life ultimately calms down. Worrying about anything has never, not once, changed the outcome of what IT was I obsessively worried about: paying bills, divorce, motherhood, my job, my weight, my aging reflection, my pets, my car, my Dad, my daughter, this list is really infinite right? Every event, disaster, or life trauma has a moment when you can choose to accept that the event has entered or occurred in your life. It is vital you feel the difference between acceptance and approval—they are not the same. And if this event or trauma in your life is ultimately because of another person it is also important to know that acceptance does not mean you approve of or condone their choice to harm you. Bad things happen. Some were due to my own errors and others were and will be due to mistakes of others. I often take on the responsibility of the world, somehow think that my intervention, my action, my non-action, or my worry, can somehow alter reality, and make it all better. Wow. What a fantasy world I live in. Who do I think I am!? I think this is the curse of a caregiver/survivor, but my need to prevent bad things from happening can interfere with my ability to accept the reality that bad things have already happened. This is not healthy. Acceptance feels like a release of tension. A tension from pushing and pulling to try to erase what happened, or to change the past, or to control a person or situation. All of which are of course impossible tasks. Believing and acting as if you have any of that power or control constricts like rope twisted head to toes. It’s exhausting. Acceptance is the moment you feel the rope release and drop to the floor. Whatever happens this one day—don’t give it a label. The dog shits on the carpet? It is simply a pile of poo on the floor that needs cleaning. Clean, and move on. IT happened. You can’t un-poop it. Accepting that IT happened doesn’t imply you approve of your dog doing this, or that you’re delighted by the experience; IT has simply happened. Breathe through IT. The car won’t start? Breathe through it. Make a list: who do you need to call? The appointment you will miss? Someone to come give your battery a jump? A taxi service? Breathe. Accept that at this instant the car doesn’t start, don’t judge—don’t overreact that this as the worst event ever. You can’t possibly know that’s true. A giant semi full of battery acid could be heading for a tragic accident involving your car at this very moment had the car started…or maybe not. You don’t know; maybe your stupid not-working-car just saved your life. Flat tire? Overslept? Child home sick from school? Toilet over flow? Nothing lasts forever. No one event will consume the rest of your living days, unless of course you let it do so because you have chosen to let it live on in your thoughts and inner monologue, as if it has a tiny apartment in your head. For this 24 hour period if IT comes, accept IT. Try saying this, “Today I will accept this event as it is. If it needs a plan to resolve it I will make that plan, or I will find someone to help me make the plan. If I can’t do anything about it then we’re done here. This is my day, not IT’s day!”