A Voice of Reason

Is Suffering Really Necessary
A few years ago on a cold January day, I began a journey to personally find out the answer to that question. Some of you know this story and some of you will be hearing it for the first time. It isn't one I like to repeat but I love to speak of the wisdom that I was given because of it.
A call came from my son who lives in Costa Rica. He was to undergo a series of two eye surgeries to repair some very serious damage he experienced as a result of a diving accident a few months prior. I almost always know it is Clint calling before I pick up the phone. When the phone rang I thought it can’t be Clint, he still has one more surgery, so he won’t call until tomorrow. It was him. He said “Mom, I see better than I ever have” (he was legally blind as a child, but with the help of very strong prescription lenses, he could see normally.) The diving accident Clint experienced had the potential of taking his sight away.
Now let me take you back to the phone conversation. After Clint said, “I see perfectly. There will not be a need for the second operation,” he said “Please get a pen and paper and write what I am about to say for I have no intention of repeating this or holding these words in my memory. The doctor said I will be completely blind within a few months. There is nothing the doctor can do but give me medicine to relieve the pain and pressure in my eyes and head.”
I started suffering immediately! Like most suffering, it got in the way of the truth. It woke up with me in the morning, followed me through the day like a shadow. It then went to bed with me and haunted my sleep with night terrors of the worst kind. It soon became clear that I did not want to live this way. I would not be a victim! I refused to lose my faith so I did what I do; I sought for answers and spiritual wisdom. I started looking for truths that I could apply to get me through the day, the night, the next 24 hours. I would write them one by one on a black board that hung in my office. While I sat with my clients I could see it right above their heads.
One day my spiritual sister Johanna came by to comfort me and saw what had developed. It was seven statements, one for each day to help with my suffering. She said “This is not just meant for you. You MUST share it.”
You have in your hands the result of my journey. Is emotional suffering really necessary? Emotional suffering hurts very badly. We do not have to suffer over and over again. Pain in this life is inevitable but suffering is optional. That was my mantra for many, many days. Deepak Chopra said "Suffering is pain held onto!" I am not denying the existence of the pain; I choose not to hold on to it. If and when I do hold on to pain, the suffering gets worse.
A Course in Miracles – “There are no problems, it is only in our mind.” Rephrased, all the emotional suffering comes from our mind.
Science of Mind – “And so we suffer, not because suffering is imposed upon us, but because we are ignorant of our true nature.”
The Four Agreements – “All human suffering is the result of believing in lies, mainly about ourselves.”
Sufi – “Cause of all suffering is unreality, false belief systems operating as reality.”
Buddha - Fourth Nobel Truth – “For suffering to end, mindfulness and conscious present living is required.”
What seems to be echoed from many wisdoms is that emotional suffering is created by the following:
Mind - thoughts
Choices
Lack of willingness
We must practice our ability to live in a present conscious state of being.
How I got through the months that followed the news of Clint's condition was by incorporating these Seven Principles often. The seven principles were amazing for me because it helped me change my thoughts to the present moment, thoughts such as: he is not blind and he is alive. In this moment there was no need to suffer. I made choices that were based on true, not false belief systems of some future possibility. I focused on what was true NOW, for now is all that is real.
Carlos Costaneda said "We either make ourselves miserable or we make ourselves strong. The amount of work and energy is the same. But one gives us strength and the other creates fear.”
Let’s take a quick look at each of these principles to eliminate emotional suffering. Remember, this is an all day workshop.
1. Respect and Value Yourself and all others. When we are valuing and respecting our self, we are not doing harm to our self. Suffering hurts. It not only hurts us but others.
2. Give up the Need to be Right - This is the "do not be attached piece of suffering." We suffer so much just because we want to be right more than we choose peace. Wars are about needing to be right. Arguments with friends, families and between couples are often about the need to be right.
3. Avoid Judgments. We seem to get really hooked into judging ourselves and others. This causes great suffering. I have learned that the less I judge others, the less I have to forgive, the more at Peace I am.
4. Forgive Instantly. We all know how important forgiveness is. It is included in the healing and prosperity principles. This principle is a little more radical. Do it instantly. The longer we harbor unforgiveness, the more we will suffer.
5. Keep Your Word. You may wonder how keeping one's word eliminates suffering. How many times have you suffered because you did not keep your word? How many times have you suffered because you used unkind words against yourself or others?
6. Stop Being Offended – Psalms 119:165 “Great peace have they which love thy way: and nothing shall offend them." Being offended is a choice - if we make a choice to be offended we then must defend.
7. Practice Gratitude - What more can anyone say. Saying thank you is the CROWN. Whenever I start to suffer, I choose an attitude of gratitude. I am in the presence of Grace. As Anne Frank said "There is always some beauty left in nature, sunshine, freedom, in yourself. Look at these things and you will find yourself again, and God. This will help you to regain your balance.”
A post note, my son still has his eyesight five years later. We are grateful.
Reasons to Go Within – Personal Application
Coaching Questions:
1. After reading about my story that led me to suffering, what experiences came to mind in your own life that have caused you to suffer?
2. How did you stop your suffering?
3. Reading over the seven steps to Eliminate Emotional Suffering, which one/ones could have made a difference in past sufferings and how?