Shift

Preface This is my personal story of change in times where change is appearing in many people’s life and on our whole planet. There is a shift in consciousness happening that will get us to a different place to live our life from. I believe that this shift doesn't suddenly happen in 2012 but has started to happen some years ago and will continue to happen in the coming years. I didn't write this book because I think that my story is something special. I wrote this book to encourage others to dare to follow their heart and live their highest dreams, even if it means to move through stages of uncertainty and fear. I've told my story to many people and friends by now. Some of them have felt inspired to change their life too. They too have taken the risk and stepped out of their either boring or too demanding life routine. They too have felt a little wobbly at times but are now living a life that is more an expression of what's right and true for them. Many of us are used to create a lot of unhappiness and complications in our life. Why not create happiness for a change? Prologue A golden sun is rising behind the kowhai tree and as I’m watching it through my bedroom window, I feel amazed how my whole life has changed by my own choice. 'When life is nice, is there any reason for change?' one might wonder. I find if we want to grow and develop–yes! If we want to expand our life, we need to leave what is well known and step out into the unknown. There are infinite possibilities for us to be, to experience, to find and to express ourselves. It never gets boring when we live, constantly opening up to more .. Healing It all began in Greece in the year 2000 when I suddenly felt “I can't breathe”. My partner and I had just moved into our new built house when I felt “I cannot breathe”. What was wrong? I should be happy. I had been dreaming about this house for many years. When my mother sold my grandfather's house she gave me the money to buy a piece of land. After a long search, I found this olive grove on the hillside with a marvellous sea and sunset view. What followed was the whole process of planning and building the house and waiting for the day we finally could move in. All my hopes for happiness were built into this house that truly had become very beautiful. Now, all it was to me was a golden cage. I remembered a song my partner had put on during our first night together: “White bird in a golden cage” and I realized, the cage was truly golden but it still felt like a cage! It wouldn't let me be free. Or was it that next to my partner I didn't feel free and the house that should be a nest had become a cage to me? The signs had been there. I just had been so busy with the whole process of building the house that I had ignored them. First my lovely teenage daughter had left. She didn't want to live any longer under the same roof with my partner. Then the dogs left. They kept running away and when they discovered how much fun it was to hunt one of the villager's sheep, we had to either shoot or give them away. It was on my birthday when I made the decision to leave too. The man I was with was too dominating, overpowering and controlling. I felt myself expanding while he tried to keep me small and under his control. Our relationship felt like a shoe that doesn't fit any longer. So I left the man, the house and the countryside where I had lived for 12 years and went to town. At that stage I felt very attracted to a man from New Zealand who lived in Greece, not to say I had fallen in love with him. I started dreaming about going to New Zealand with him and really could see myself living there. That was not a real option though. Apart from the fact that I wouldn't move so far away from my child, he wasn't interested in me. I still allowed myself to indulge in my own fantasies and desires and as I suffered, one of my friends asked me: “What is it that you like about him?” “Oh”, I answered “he is spiritual... he is a healer... he lives consciously... and he has also got a strong sexual aura!” She said: “So these are the qualities you long to have in your life. Try to see it this way: look passed the man and see what he embodies. This is what you want!” I had been on a spiritual path and working as a holistic massage therapist for years but I wanted a man to share the path with me. I was dreaming of meditating together, massaging each other and making love consciously. I saw all this happening in a house in the countryside in front of a fireplace. Instead my reality looked totally different. I moved into an apartment in town that was surrounded by other apartment blocks, traffic noise and loud living neighbours. After all those years living in a stone house in nature (first an old rented one, then my own new one) with the view of stunning sunsets above the sea and the sounds of bees and birds and barking dogs, the change was immense! Funnily enough I liked it because it was so different and I had never experienced living like this before. I was glad my daughter came and lived with me again. Things weren't easy though. She was still very angry with me that I had forced her to live with a man she didn't like and that I didn't tell him to move out when she couldn't take it anymore. She was so angry she wouldn't listen to anything I said. She also refused to eat the food I cooked for us. I tried hard to heal the past with love and care but all I received from her was anger and rejection. So instead of living with a man who loved me, I was living with a daughter who hated me, and my love and wish to care for her turned into helplessness and desperation. ***** When things fall apart and in times of difficulty we are lucky to have friends - and friends I had many! When I left my house and before I got my apartment, my friends opened their doors for me, let me stay in their homes, took their time to talk to me and with the help of their love and support I got through those hard times until things became better. When we are not sure exactly where we are going, it is good to move forward in small steps. In moments when I felt too shaky to take any step I sat down on the earth, feeling the earth under me. Where ever I was and where ever I would go, the earth would always be there and carry me. The sky would always be above me and inspire me. The earth would always carry me. People might come and go – the earth would always be there. Feeling the connection with the earth gave me peace. In town I made new contacts and as a massage therapist I started to work with a different sort of clients: musicians, actors and dancers. The more subtle and sensitive my clients were, the more they liked my work and the better I could relate to them. One of Greece's star actresses even wanted to employ me as her personal massage therapist but she was based in Athens and I, being a mother, couldn't just move there. The success of my work though was good for me during this stage of transition. It healed and nurtured my self-confidence that had suffered in my last partnership. It happened that one of my friends had just done a course in hypnotherapy and needed to practice a form of timeline therapy that takes two continuous days of wiping out past trauma conditions which block us today. I was grateful to be one of her guinea pigs and to get the chance for a general major clearing process that would further support me by letting me have a sort of “fresh start”. I also used affirmations to attract beautiful experiences and people into my life. After a year I attracted a new partner who, I thought, was the best man in town (and I still think he is!). He was an adventurous, playful, inspired and free spirit, living his visions. I also felt a need for expansion in the field of my therapeutic work...