A Guru in the Nursery

Positive Self-Talk

As a SAHM, you are all alone taking care of your baby(ies) all day long. Because we are Mothers, we are constantly making sure we have foremost in our minds all the things we need to do to care for and protect our children.

With babies, we think things like, “I have to make sure to be on time for the next feeding. I hope s/he is eating enough. When did s/he have a BM last? Is that normal? I wonder if s/he is growing properly?” We worry constantly.

If they are toddlers, we are mostly saying phrases like, “Stop!” “Don’t touch that!” “Don’t go there!” and “No!” and then (unless you are very lucky) you have the constant struggle with naptime and bedtime to deal with every single day, on top of continually picking up all the toys scattered all over the house.

Of course, we need to make sure our children are safe and well, but all that tension and negativity needs to be counteracted with positivity and thinking positive statements, or else we start to feel its effects in our minds and, subsequently, our bodies.

For me, it was even worse, because every time my child(ren) cried, I felt like a terrible Mom. I felt that perhaps I should just go back to work because obviously I wasn’t doing a good enough job or my child would be happy and playing contently like I saw that he did in day care.

One day, I’d had enough of feeling bad and worrying. I decided to come up with better, more positive phrases to tell myself, and it really helped. Whenever I changed a diaper, I would think, “See, look how healthy my child is! His/her body is functioning perfectly, and I am feeding him/her just the right amount of food that they need.” When I would play with them and laugh, I would think, “What a good Mom I am! My child is happy and playing harmoniously – this is what it’s all about!”

When you are a new Mom, it is tough to do that, because you truly don’t know what “normal” is yet, but you will. Until then, you have to trust your instincts and make the effort to educate yourself in any way possible, either by reaching out to other Moms or surfing the internet. There are dozens upon dozens of parenting websites out there with excellent information, but there is also such a thing as “information overload,” so just be mindful of that as you research.

I trained myself to notice whenever I caught myself thinking something negative about my parenting, and then I stopped and tried to put a better spin on it. It wasn’t easy, and I still slip, but practice makes perfect and you’ll feel all the better for it. Basically, don’t let your fears and worries eat at you and bring you down, because you need to be strong and a good role model for your children so that they have a sense that all is well. You know that you do your best and that anything you can do to make them happy, you will, and that whenever they are sick or unhappy, you’ll be there to care for them to the very best of your ability.

When you get overwhelmed, try to keep perspective – remember, they will never be this young again; they will only grow and become more and more self-sufficient until the day comes you may wish they’d request something of you once more!

Be your biggest cheerleader and biggest fan. Whenever you accomplish even the littlest thing, be sure to acknowledge it and give yourself a pat on the back. You deserve it.

For example, when I had my little girl, it was a very rough transition for me going from one child to two, and especially because my son was a two-year-old and needed (and deserved!) copious amounts of attention, which was rather challenging. Therefore, to just learn to get them both dressed, bag packed, and out of the house in the morning to go anywhere was an enormous accomplishment for me. Some days I joke to myself, “Adrenaline and love...it's what gets me through the day!”

Unfortunately, anyone else who has never been home with little ones all day, every day, may not be understanding, supportive, sympathetic, or respectful to your situation. In my second book, A Fish Out of Water, I shared some personal accounts of situations where I was not supported and even looked down upon for my choice to stay at home with my children. Aside from what anyone else says or thinks, ultimately, you are the one talking to yourself inside your head all day, every day. You have to be the one to give yourself the respect, sympathy, understanding, and praise you deserve.