S.O.U.L. Mama

Friday, August 8, 2008, I sat at a romantic dinner table at Il Cortile del Re in Charleston, South Carolina with my husband and quietly heard myself say to him, “I,” I fidgeted in my seat, “I kinda want to write a book.”

There was a hesitance. A questionable expression at the end of the sentence and an embarrassed half smile as I waited for his response. Behind the fear-based acknowledgement of my statement, was an ugly expression of big, fat lies I was telling myself. Are you really going to admit this to someone? Who are you to write a book? What are you going to write about? As soon as you tell someone about this silly idea, you are vulnerable to their opinions.

What I heard in response was one of the most transformational moments of my life. My husband’s face lit up. He leaned forward, put his hand on mine and responded with the sweet sound of my nickname and the excitement of, “Mackie I LOVE the idea! I can totally see you writing a book and being the person I know you were supposed to be! What do you think you’ll write about?”

“I don’t know yet!” I answered, “It’s just a desire for now.”

Why was that so transformational? Because someone saw something in me I still doubted. Someone had my back and knew I was capable of big things.

The next hour or two unfolded in delightful visioning of what was to come. We had a bottle of red wine and thought about ideas of what I would write about, envisioned my name on the New York Times Best Selling List, fantasized about our beach front home that we would buy.

It was probably one of the most exciting conversations we’d had in a long time and we felt the energy of dreaming bigger than we had up to that point. We ended our evening by grabbing a business card from the restaurant and writing on the back, “8-8-08 – Today, Mackie declared that she will write her book.” That card ended up being a framed Christmas gift I gave to Steve that year. Over three years later, it hangs next to my bed.

Little did we know, however, that just three months later, our lives would change dramatically. Life would crumble around us and we would be devastated by it happening. The idea of a book would sink so low in my subconscious that I wouldn’t think about it for years.

But what I also didn’t realize was that “life crumbling” would propel me into a whirlwind of cause and effect. My book would be writing itself as a result of how I approached this horrible time in my life. Every day, as I navigated my way down the path of fighting to get my life back, bobbing and weaving as the world threw its punches, I learned new skills, I learned powerful lessons that I have yet to fully comprehend.

Little did I know that night how challenging life would become. I thought it was already a challenge with a two-year-old and a five month-old baby at home and a job that was so not fulfilling to me. Little did I know that my life, at that point, was a mere illusion. It wasn’t nearly what it seemed and my truth was about to be exposed--in a big way.

As I sit and write this book now, I look back on that night in Charleston. I was so naive. But I also realize now that the mere mention of wanting to write a book was my Inner Spirit within me nudging me along. It was the first time that I really took action. Action being simply saying it out loud to someone, but I recognized my desire and decided to move forward; even if it was a minute baby step.

The time has come to write my book. What transpired in the three years since that birthday dinner has been nothing short of extraordinary for me. I believe that my experience, shared with thousands and millions of others, will transform lives. Will help them understand what is happening within each of us and understand how living life--I mean, truly living life--unfolds. It’s not always pretty, but it’s always a blessing and I’ll show you why.

My truth has been a challenge to find and I am still uncovering it everyday. The challenges of uncovering it, however, have been life-changing for me. The challenges have been such a freaking blessing and it’s time for me to share them in a big way.

This book is it. It is, not only my gift for you, but a gift to myself. A gift of a dream that’s been set deep inside my subconscious for a lot more than three years, and is now manifesting in my life. It’s also the gift of a message that I now know I am meant to share. It’s a gift from Spirit--It’s how I am supposed to change the world in my own way. I’ll go deeper into this, but know it’s a gift all around.

It’s my hope, that being able to share my journey to receiving this gift in my own life, you will be inspired to step forward and receive your own gifts that lie
deeply within your subconscious for now. Then know that it is your purpose to share your gifts with the world.

With all of that said, I give great gratitude to you for being here reading this book. Know that there is no coincidence to it. There is a message within this book that you are meant to hear. Stay awake, stay aware as you read--for you never know when the message will surface and your inner S.O.U.L. Mama awakens.
Love and Abundance ~ Vidette

The Breakdown

There came a day when I walked my two year-old in to school then walked hurriedly back to the car carrying the car seat with my newborn in it, got into the car for our half an hour drive to drop him off, then to work. I remember feeling like I’d already worked a twelve hour day. I was so tired and it wasn’t even eight a.m. I got in the drivers’ seat, grabbed the steering wheel and just started crying.

I cried uncontrollably with my head on the steering wheel; my newborn in the back gurgling and talking to himself. I couldn’t even enjoy his beautiful sounds because I was so sad. I remember saying out loud, “Is this my life?”

As soon as I heard the words exit my mouth, I cried harder. I had just admitted to the Universe, to my newborn, to anyone who could hear a voice, that I didn’t like my life. I felt awful and cried harder.

My life had gotten to a place where that silent whisper finally verbalized itself. It made itself clear. It finally made itself obvious to me. I was living a life I didn’t like, but I had a family, a house, a job, and a dog for God’s sake. What could I possibly do to make it right? I had no idea. I had made my choices and I must live with them…or did I? I didn’t know how to change anything, so I dried my eyes, wiped away the mascara, put the car in drive and drove away…numb.