FocusPocus

From My Journal 10:43 pm I’m never up this late. I get up between 3:30 and 4 am so I’m usually in bed, asleep, no later than 9 pm. But, I had an experience yesterday and just a little while ago, I had a major realization about it. Here’s the experience; I had just barely gotten to work when Mary, the “big boss”, came to my desk asking for a loaner computer. I checked the schedule and found one for her. She didn’t say why she needed it so I just gave it to her and she went on her way. About five minutes later I received a call from Tessa. Tessa is one of our trainers and helps out whenever she can. She was in Administration and wasn’t having any luck trying to get Mary logged on to another person’s computer. So I preceded to ask Tessa some routine questions, as is our policy. I heard someone talking in the background and Tessa said, “Mary wants to know if you can just come up here.” So I said, “Sure, I’ll just come up and get her logged on to the system.” When I walked into Administration, Mary was angry and said, “I can’t log onto the loaner computer as me.” I said, “Right, that’s because they have generic logon accounts.” Mary then became aggressive, raised her voice and said, “That’s not what the instructions say!” Then she said, “If I can’t log onto a computer as me then I can’t work!” I said, “I will get you logged onto Pat’s computer.” Mary then shouted, as she walked away, “My password is Grace!” I got her logged on to the computer and went to her office to tell her what she needed to do if she needed to reboot or log on again. As I was walking up to her office door to tell her this I saw her throw her mouse onto the desk, not toss it mind you, she actually threw it! After I left her office, I went straight outside and smoked a cigarette. I felt embarrassed, angry, and completely disrespected. As soon as I was done smoking, I went to one of the union stewards to discuss the issue. And, of course, being so emotional at the time, I cried. I told the steward, “I want an apology in front of everyone who was in Admin when she yelled at me!” I thought that was only fair since there were four other people in the room when this whole situation took place. The steward called the president of our local, and a representative from Council 75 to set up a meeting. I went to my manager, told her what had happened and that I would be taking personal leave for the rest of the day. But before I left, of course, I told a few of my friends what had happened. When I got home, again, I had to tell the story to my family. I fumed all the rest of the day and took out my frustrations on at least one person who did not deserve it. Then I went to bed, still thinking about it. As a side note, it seems funny to me how we feel the need to tell our story to as many people as will listen so we can feel justified in feeling the way we do. I got up today and did some research for a business that I would like to open, as soon as I figure out how to manifest the funding. I visited with my kids. I visited with my mother. I watched some TV. Then I tried to go to bed. Guess what kept me awake? You guessed it, Mary and the whole situation from yesterday. I started thinking about the fact that I know that no one else can make me feel a certain way without my allowing it. So why was I feeling this way about the Mary situation? Aha! I was feeling this way because I felt this way, about myself, before the situation happened. If I loved and respected myself like I should, then Mary would not have been able to make me feel any other way. So, all I have to do is figure out when I lost it and then maybe I can get it back. So I started thinking about when I lost it and realized, I never had it to begin with. Imagine, my whole life, back to when I was five years old and not once did I ever feel love and respect for myself. It seems that I have always depended on others to pat me on the back and make me feel good about myself. I have never patted myself on the back. All of my accomplishments have been so that other people would pat me on the back so I can feel good about myself. Why? Who knows. The point is, how do you get something back that you never had to begin with? First of all, we did have it. Before we came here and started being taught that we are less, we had everything. We were perfect. The key is to get back to seeing ourselves as being perfect just the way we are. I know that God sees us as perfect just the way we are, but living a life that we think of as perfect is very important to us, well most of us. So we create. We can create anything so why not feelings of love and respect for ourselves? Why not feelings of deserving? We can. We just have to figure out the right path for us and then take it. There are different paths to the truth, but there is only one Truth. We are perfect children of God and we deserve to create a life of abundance and prosperity in all areas. We can either create consciously or by default. Living by default is believing that life happens to you instead of knowing that life happens through you. Conscious creation is knowing you have the natural ability to create anything you want, and you create each and every moment. Creating by default is being asleep to what you are creating or wanting so your subconscious mind brings you more of what you’ve been getting. For example; if I feel like things always go wrong when I try to improve my life, and think and say that things go wrong, then something will always go wrong. My subconscious mind will make sure of it. However, if I change the way I think, if I start saying positive affirmations and slowly change the things I am saying and feeling, that will lead to changing the actions that I take and, like magic, my life will improve. Once you get that, it will become automatic to change what you are thinking, saying, and feeling. How long will it take? That’s up to you. It may take a day, or a week, or a year. I know a year sounds like a long time to correct the negative pattern but how long have you been practicing the negative pattern? The years are going to go by anyway, do you want to keep getting what you’ve been getting or work toward improving your life, getting something better? What we focus on is what matters, it’s what we create more of. In order to get more, you need to look for it. Nothing exists until you observe it. When you are looking for something, you always find it, whether you like it or not. Here are two really great quotes from Will Smith that I believe apply to focus: “There is no reason to have a plan B because it distracts from plan A.” “Being realistic is the most commonly traveled road to mediocrity.” Why is it difficult to let go? Because I am attached to the outcome. If I can teach myself not to be attached to the outcome, I get what I want much faster. Being attached to the outcome is what makes me feel longing, or worried, or angry, or sad. My mother had a picture frame hanging on the wall with this quote in it: “If you love something let it go, if it comes back it was yours, if it doesn’t it never was.” If you let go you’re very likely to get it back or something much better. So the best thing to do to help you let go is ask for what you want, then say, “This or something better” so that you will not be so attached to the outcome. The more you struggle with something, the less likely it is to happen. Practice setting your intention, stating what you want, and allowing it to happen. Let it relax into you.