If someone had told me that my life would turn upside down after the birth of my son and that my understanding of who I am would then change drastically, I wouldn’t have believed them. I’m not talking about the change that comes with becoming a mother. What I’m talking about is a seismic shift, the kind that could change the tilt of the Earth’s axis. But we’re not talking about the Earth. We’re talking about me.
This was a change that was so profound it has left me struggling to regain my health. It made me curse my life on a daily basis and cry with regularity. It brought into my life the deepest guilt and the most intense resentment, and made it almost unbearable and unlivable.
During that time of my life, I lived in my head, in an attempt to find solutions and silver bullets - always praying, pleading and negotiating. I have a Masters degree and intense intellectual horsepower, but all I could think about was finding the easiest job possible. I completely gave up on my career.
Every day was a marathon of survival. When I wasn’t surfing the Internet in search of solutions, reasons and answers, keeping it ‘together’ was the only thing I could focus on. The chaos inside of me was more than I could handle so I adhered to a strict routine. I awoke as if I had not slept. I went to work exhausted and came home even more exhausted. I spent weekends on the couch overcome with exhaustion. I became the soccer mom who sat in the car and the hockey mom who was focused, not on the game, but on identifying the nearest exit should a panic attack come on. I was a master of excuse. Eventually, I became a ‘No’ person.
Throughout this ordeal, I carried intense anger that made me vibrate inside. There were days during which it felt as if acid was coursing through my veins, burning through every cell in my body, melting me into nothing. It was the kind of anger that makes you imagine things in your head both day and night. On any given day, there were more negative mental movies played in my head than Bollywood could produce in an entire year. All day long, I would ask, “Why me?”
This seismic shift began with my first and only pregnancy. I don’t blame the pregnancy for all of my ills, although I once did. I don’t blame God or my family, although I once did. The ‘blame game’ stopped when I awoke and realized that it was I who had done all of this to myself. It was I who had lost touch with who I was and what I wanted out of my life. But, most of all, I had lost my way spiritually. As I spiraled out of control, God kept trying to get my attention. Unfortunately, I was so absorbed in my own misery that I ignored the initial messages – my feelings. I swallowed my anger and held back my tears.
Eventually, the messages became more obvious and more intense. Waking up to God pounding on my spiritual door was a painful blessing. It made me question the world around me. It made me question myself, who I am, what I believe in, what I do for a living and how I relate to others. Walking through this new, muddy spiritual path opened my eyes to owning up to the life that I really wanted to live. It reconnected me to my own beliefs and values. It forced me to challenge my fear of death, confront loneliness, experience humility and demolish my ego. It made me take personal responsibility for my life, what I wanted and how I felt.
I learned how to read the pain of others and how to protect myself from it. I learned how to see myself in the reflection of the world around me. I had to learn how to listen to my body, my heart and the angelic realm. Most importantly, it showed me a new paradigm for personal care that I am here to pass along to you.
Along this journey, I learned about homeopathy, spiritual healing, medical intuition and even psychic phenomena. I also learned about the perils of processed food and how to use food as medicine. I learned to be patient, and to recognize and value the complexity of the emotional experience. My journey has opened my heart to the Universe and has blessed me in ways that I never could have imagined. It has shown me that I am incredibly strong and resilient. It seemed that God wanted to show me everything - all at once. I wish I had listened sooner.
The journey I’m about to share with you may sound familiar. You may see yourself in my experiences. Don’t ignore this. If you’re reading this book, its because something’s not right in your life and you’re looking for answers. You’re probably hoping to find some kind of silver bullet on the pages you’re about to read. You won’t find one.
The path I’ve taken is a beautiful marriage that exists between allopathic medicine (the practice of conventional medicine), alternative medicine (any healing practice that does not fall within the realm of conventional medicine) and metaphysics (the world of psychics, mediums, and healers). By no means is it perfect, but I’m healthier than I’ve ever been and I have a multitude of tools with which to continue to heal.
I’m here to tell you that, like anything else in life, health is a journey that is life-long and, in its various states throughout our lives, there are gifts of learning. Health is physical, emotional and spiritual – all at the same time. You can’t look at one without looking at the others. And, just as health is made up of these elements, so too must be the solutions we seek to restore and maintain until our time is up.