Just Try

I was glad I was the one that was there for him, and although he doesn’t remember that day well and how upset he got that first time, I do.  I don’t remember the bad part though, I remember pulling into the parking lot, forty-five minutes early, because he wanted to get there early.  Realizing that the Doctor was swamped with patients and if we went in, we’d have nowhere to sit down, and with there being almost an hour until it was necessary to take up space in the waiting room, I suggested we just sit in my truck and wait, listening to music and people watching.  I always have a play list I make for our trips on my phone for dad, and to this day, he doesn’t understand how I find a radio station that will play so many songs he loves, and knows every word to.  We sat there happily singing along until we both started noticing the people coming out of the Docters office and how they kind of matched up to their cars.  First it was a cute, fit, young woman, she came out wearing bright, flowy, yoga clothing and had her hair cut in a cute little pixie, my dad said what do you think she drives? I said obviously the light blue Prius, with the world peace sign dad.  Sure enough, she walked right to it and pleasantly waved at us as she exited the lot.  Next a thirty something muscular man walked out, or maybe marched.  We both shouted “big jeep” at the same time, then it was game on, we laughed so hard at our correct predictions, maybe we were profiling but, it really made the time pass and we were laughing hard the whole time.  The last one before we headed in was the best.  An older gentleman with dyed black hair slicked back with a comb he immediately took out of his pocket as he exited the office, wearing a loose-fitting bowling, Cuban shirt and shined shoes, as if he’d just stepped off the set of the Sopranos, started walking and both my dad and I started hitting the dash chanting Lincoln, Lincoln, Lincoln.  As he drove by, eying us in our hilarity, getting out of my truck, my dad said wow, that was a fun game, something else we didn’t know we were good at.  After the disappointing news and being referred to yet another specialist, we were driving home, my dad, who I never thought I had enough in common with, and I singing along to John Denver, Back Home Again, there’s a line in the bridge with a key change that says “and all the time that I can lay this tired, old body down, to feel your fingers feather soft upon me, the kisses that I live for , the love that lights my way, the happiness that living with you brings me.”  My dad was visibly crying, wiping his face, he said it’s been twenty years that she’s been gone, how can I possibly miss her love so much, still, every day, every single day.  My dad and I have that in-common too, but I have something in common with my mom too, her love for my dad.  In recent days we have settled into a nice routine, and for me it seems like we get each other, better than ever.  I enjoy taking him meals and he enjoys eating them, he likes to sit on the porch and I love seeing him out there as I come up the long driveway.  Recently, it feels like his personality has changed and is more like his dads was quiet, easy to laugh, easy to please, easy going.  When I leave him now, every time I worry, just a little, that at 91 will it be the last time I hear his raspy, deep, soft voice say “love you babe”.  Sometimes heaven on earth is spending time with loved ones and realizing, how deeply you love.