Journeys With My Mother's Ashes

…30th April 2013. My journey began. We waited to be called on board at Sydney airport. We were tired. Kirra had flown in from another part of the country. Nick was in charge of the scattering tube containing my mother’s ashes. Ginski would join us in London… … Our flight had been called and we wandered off. On the way to the gate, Nick suddenly dashed back to our seats, we had left the ashes there. That was the first time we nearly lost Mum… …There was one last important act left. We needed to find a container for some of Mum’s ashes. Ewa had been a very close friend to my parents, especially my mother, and had asked if she could have a little of Mum to keep. Of course she could! What we needed was to split the ashes so Ewa could keep the decorated spreading tube and I would have something smaller to carry with me. The spreading tube was quite large and difficult to carry in my cabin luggage. I visualised the nightmare of the container lid coming off and the ashes covering all my overnight possessions not to mention the plane! Even if I emptied it into a more secure container what would I do with the original with my mum’s residual ashes in there? The thought of throwing it out horrified me so this was the perfect solution - the tube would stay in Poland with Mum’s dear friend. On one of our walks, we came across an antiques market. We searched the stalls for something suitable. Initially, I found a metal musical candy tin that I thought could work but no, it wouldn't have been secure enough. At another stall, I came across heavy silver-plated salt and pepper shakers. Mum had a cheeky sense of humour and as she had been a chef I thought this could be the answer. The thought brought a smile to our faces and the decision was made. Mum continued her journey with me in the salt and pepper shakers sealed in the candy tin while part of her stayed in Poland. I moved on… …Slowly but surely grief begins to loosen its grip on our hearts and minds creating a space to begin paying attention to other aspects of ourselves. Aspects also begging to be healed. Results of pasts, scars from traumas, habits and beliefs that once were friends protecting us from the big bad world but now look more like enemies stopping us from living life to the fullest. It wasn’t long before I realised that something still wasn’t quite right…