Backtalk Odyssey
How I Beat Surgery by Taking Out the Trash
by
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<*free preview="" also="" provided="" in="" a="" separate="" file*=""> As I struggled to find a comfortable position, I wondered how I was able to get out of the pool, get dressed and drive myself home — right before the storm came in. It’s incredible what you can do sometimes when you’re in severe pain. A part of you that you didn’t even know existed takes over critical tasks, shutting out all other details. Now, those unwanted details were flooding back into my brain. I was grateful that Eddy was there to get Jeremy off to bed. I didn’t know what I’d do if he was out somewhere. Being a bit of a hermit, Eddy stayed in his room a lot, playing his guitar and watching ball games on TV. He rarely went anywhere, except for the supermarket once a week. He wasn’t interested in dating women anymore, ever since he was dumped by his first wife, his second wife, and his first wife again. He wasn’t willing to put the time or energy into relationships. The glass-half-full view was that Eddy was always home when he wasn’t at work. His boring lifestyle meant that he was there to help out when I needed him. He came to visit us eight years earlier, and he was still there. He liked living in our simple suburban house, and he showed no inclination to leave. I didn’t mind. He took care of me when I was a kid in the Bronx, while my mother worked at a restaurant in downtown Manhattan. He also made sure that the neighborhood bullies didn’t bother me. They didn’t. When I was 16, I left home and needed a place to stay. My mother was thinking about marrying the man who eventually became my stepfather. He was an old-world Sicilian who saw me as the son he never had, a son that needed some good old-world discipline. I wasn’t having any of that. Eddy and his wife, Joanne, let me sleep in their living room until I finished high school. I camped out on a couch in their tiny, one-bedroom apartment in the Bronx. Now, I was returning the favor...for eight years and counting. But my gratitude for Eddy’s boring life was not my dominant focus on this night. All I thought about after leaving the pool was getting to bed. Once I got there, all I thought about was getting some sleep. "You don’t feel pain when you’re asleep, right? Maybe by morning I’ll feel better. Maybe that ‘Snap!’ wasn’t such a big deal. Maybe... But what if it is a big deal? My back and leg hurt worse now than before. What if the pain doesn’t go away? What if there’s something terribly wrong? What if I can’t work? What if I can’t take care of Jeremy? Who’s going to look after the house?" My mind raced like a horse-drawn chariot in an ancient Roman gladiator battle to the death, while the storm continued to rage outside my window. I knew I could depend on Eddy for awhile. I also knew that he didn’t have the capacity or the inclination to take care of things indefinitely by himself. It was not in his nature. The wind and the rain were not at all concerned with my “what if’s”. They lashed out Incessantly. And I was so deep into the pain and worry that I couldn’t separate myself from them long enough to release anything. Sleep was looking like a distant departing ship on the horizon, getting smaller every minute. So small that I had a hard time seeing it. That’s when I heard the loudest crack of thunder yet. "Damn!" I was wide awake. "Ok, I can do this. I know I can fall asleep. I’ve never had problems going to sleep. All I have to do is quiet my mind. What did we do in that meditation class years ago? Oh yeah, we followed the breath — in and out — inhale followed by exhale. They said that would quiet down the mind. I can do that." It sounded simple enough, though I hadn’t succeeded at it yet. For me, meditation always seemed like the perfect time to catch up on some thinking about whatever was going on in my life at the time. "This is as good a time as any to try it. An excellent opportunity. Breathe in… Breathe out… Breathe in…Breathe…" Another crack of thunder. Another bolt of pain. "Damnit! I need to try another position." I rolled slowly onto my side. "Oh, that’s a little better. I can relax now. Are those large drops of rain or hail hitting the roof? Ok. Breathe in… Breathe out… Breathe… Damn, it’s hurting more." I maneuvered my way back onto my back and put a pillow under my knees. "That’s better. Ok, breathe in… Aoww! Maybe, I should take another painkiller. But I already took one." The label said to take them 12 hours apart. Twelve hours was a long time. It had only been a couple of hours. Lightning flashed through the window as bright as day. "What else can I do? There’s got to be something...else...I can do...to reduce the pain...and get to sleep."
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About the Book
When you’re young, you’re invincible — or so you think. A series of injuries challenged my indestructibility, culminating in back pain so severe that I was flat on my back for three months, unable to sit, stand, or walk without excruciating pain. The doctors tried everything, but nothing helped. They directed me to have back surgery, with a 50% chance of relief.
My invincibility faded as the pain wore my defenses down. I could no longer ignore what was happening to my body and the mysterious causes of my discomfort. As I opened my eyes, bizarre experiences occurred that could not be explained logically. I had to let go of old beliefs about what was real and what was not. With the help of extraordinary tools, I released years of debilitating inner baggage and reshaped my view of the world and my place in it. I canceled the surgery two days before the date.
This is my story. The events are true. The people are real people that have been in my life. Some still are. However, I choose to tell this story as just that — a story. Each chapter is a snapshot, like a personal letter from me to you.
“Backtalk Odyssey offers the reader immense hope and possibility for moving beyond chronic conditions, whether they be physical, relational or otherwise. In a practical and humorous way, John Ray invites you into the inner-workings of his mind as he transforms from a skeptical computer programmer with debilitating spinal pain and into a living miracle. You see moment by moment what it took for him to heal himself and avoid the only help medicine offered him, back surgery. You’ll discover how powerful the mind can be, that we are not victims of our conditions, and how healing and grace can be found in the most complex of situations. A true testament to the power of a human applying the simplicity of choice, forgiveness, and the powerful force of love. A must read for anyone struggling without hope. You’ll find that and much more within these pages and in the tools he offers.”
- Christi Daniels, Life Coach and Author of Sabbatical from Yes.
About the Author
John Joseph Ray left a successful career as a computer programmer with an MBA in Business Information Systems to become a Master Massage Therapist. He’s done over 25,000 client sessions, and he’s taught over 2,000 massage therapists. He is also an inspirational speaker, continuing education provider, author, singer-songwriter-musician, and lover of nature.
After a serious back injury interrupted his computer career, John dedicated himself to understanding the body, learning effective bodywork techniques, helping clients with painful physical conditions, and teaching techniques to dedicated massage therapists and other health practitioners.