Jonathan Behind Blue Eyes
by
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June 2010
As I opened one of the boxes containing many of his journals, I came across a note left on top of the contents of the box. It read:
“If you are going through this box, you better be f*@ing family and I better be f*@ing dead!!”
I’m assuming he left that note for me and that Jonathan wanted me to share his life’s story with you.
From Michael’s Eulogy: May 8, 2010
“My little brother, Jonathan Dalmond Dacy, lived a duality, a dichotomous life sometimes gleaming with extraordinary light and another of occasional deep, bitter darkness. He could be the kindest and most thoughtful friend, or a furious and spiteful enemy. With Jonathan, there was often little in between. He was a living exaggeration. He was a gentle warrior.
From Jonathan’s Journals
February 7, 2004
Dear Opiate,
I know I haven’t seen you in a few days. I’m writing to you to let you know where I’m at and what’s going on with me. But first, I want to thank you. I remember when we first met. You were always there for me. Whenever I started to get a headache you were willing to take away my pain. Do you remember? I’ll never forget that. I started having migraines all the time, and so you were there with me all the time. Before I knew it, we were best friends. I wanted to have you around all the time. And you were. Not only would you take away my pain, but you gave me confidence, you made me feel so good. Before I knew it, you were the only reason I wanted to get up in the morning. I appreciate your willingness to make me happy. But just one thing, where the f*^#k are you now? Why did you take all my money? Oh, it’s OK, I only have a son to raise. I only had car payments and rent payments. But you didn’t seem to care about that. Oh, it’s no big f*^#king deal. I’m only in a hospital now because of you. You wonder where I’ve been lately? I’ve been f*^#king miserable…..
August 16, 2009
When God puts a dream in your heart, when he brings opportunities across your path, step out BOLDLY IN FAITH, EXPECT THE BEST, move FORWARD with CONFIDENCE, KNOWING that you are WELL ABLE to do what God wants you to do. If you are stepping outside your comfort zone it’s a great thing – it allows God to show you his miraculous nature, assuming you are ALWAYS in a loving and forgiving mindset. All other emotions prohibit God from staying active inside your heart. When your heart is filled with hate, anger, judgment, fear, and grudges then there is no room for love, and therefore no room for God.”
December 2009
As the day wore on and we visited more stores, the unusual behavior continued. Terri described what she saw in an email the following week.
“Actually, he seems mentally ill even beyond the drug addiction, in my opinion….even when he is “normal” he has such strange behavior, the shoplifting issues, inability to think straight or concentrate, even short term memory of something that was just said or that he said to someone else. His behavior seems very bizarre and so sad, like a little old lonely man just walking aimlessly around, talking to anyone and everyone about nothing…it is alarming and shocking, uncomfortable to others the way he invades their personal space, etc. as when he walked behind the cash register and was bothering that young cashier who was clearly unnerved by his behavior…she was trying to be polite and I kept trying to get Jonathan to come back around to the customer side of the counter but he then decided to confront the poor girl and asked her if she was uncomfortable with him being there by her, putting her on the spot, embarrassing her and making himself look like a complete fool. That type of behavior is just not socially acceptable, he scares people, he is embarrassing and he doesn’t even realize it because he is so out of it all the time.”
April 22, 2010
Tiffany awoke in the middle of the night and wrote this to Jonathan.
My Wonderful Husband
It’s about 3:00AM and you looked like you’d been crying when you came to bed. I can’t imagine how you must be feeling right now. Every time I do let myself see it through your eyes or imagine what you are about to go through, I just feel sick at heart and cry. I’m afraid to leave you alone to go to work. Please my angel, my soul mate, don’t harm yourself. I don’t want to have to wait until we meet again in another life to make this work. I’ve waited so long to find you. Please grant me this selfish wish – don’t take away my heart and soul, for that is what you are. I know it now more than ever before. You are my life. You are the missing piece that has made me whole. We are meant to live this life together. I took you for better, for worse and right now we are going through a “worse” period, but we have so much that is wonderful waiting for us. I will be here every step of the way through this. I will write you every day if you want. They may be silly, mundane letters, but at least you’ll know my thoughts are with you.
I know you are not made to be incarcerated. But, baby, this time you can and will be able to face it. I know this. You can do anything you set your mind to. I believe in you.
So please, as I said before, please don’t take away my Love, my Life, my You. I need you. My life is incomplete without you in it. We have a beautiful life to live. Let’s get this last bit of the past out of the way and leave it behind us. Please don’t think that I am overlooking the magnitude of what you are experiencing. I am not, by any means. I’m just trying to help my teammate, my best friend, my lover, my reason for living.
I love you truly, deeply, eternally. My eyes have been opened to the wonder of ever even having found you, much less getting to spend my life with you.
Put it in God’s hands, baby. You’ll feel a tremendous burden lifted off your shoulders. So, good morning, my Love. My thoughts are with you throughout the day.
Love
Tiffany Dacy
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About the Book
Many of us go through our entire lives giving and receiving gifts, often unaware we are doing so. Jonathan’s goal was to give the gift of service—from his dreams of a military career to the hospitality industry to civil service and finally to serve anyone suffering from the effects of addiction. Jonathan passed away on May 4, 2010, yet his spirit lives with us today.
At this moment, he might say,
“My gift to you is awareness. I want to make you aware of what it is like to have a severe addiction problem.
If you are suffering from addiction, ask yourself, ‘Do I want to follow Jonathan’s path? Shouldn’t I dedicate myself to changing and becoming the loving and trustworthy person that I know, deep inside me, I am?’
If you are a family member, I present to you how my family tried to assist me. The heartache that I caused them was overridden by the spirit of faith, hope, and love that they shared for me. They disagreed and argued over what course of action to take to heal me, and they became angry and impatient with me many times. But in the end, I know they love me.
To those of you who have never experienced addiction in your family, I present the gifts of compassion and non-judgment. This disease is difficult to overcome, and has become a disease of epidemic proportions in our country. I ask that you step back and try to understand what these people are going through.
I once wrote, ‘Where there is life, there should also be love.’ ”
Nothing could be truer.
About the Author
Mike Dacy is a student of A Course in Miracles and is currently pursuing ordainment in Esoteric Interfaith Ministries. Mike and Jonathan spent countless hours sharing ideas and discussing life’s ups and downs, unknowingly developing the foundation for this book. Dacy and his wife, Laura, live in Dallas, Georgia.