Live Your Truth

I remember a morning I’ll never forget. I was sitting on the floor, surrounded by toys, playing with my kids, but my mind was wandering and racing with a million thoughts. I was not feeling happiness in many areas of my life. My life felt heavy. I was overwhelmed with life challenges, struggling to please others, and dreaming of relaxing days at the lake with family. I wanted to be present and enjoy the simple happiness of being with my kids. I was overwhelmed trying to do it all and be all. I was putting others’ needs and happiness before mine. I did what others expected of me. I was conforming to others. I didn’t fully realize this then; I was lost living in the day-to-day habits and routine struggle of making all life areas work and come together in a satisfactory way. I was living to survive the day; I was waiting for life to happen to me. I would wait for the day’s end and tomorrow’s beginning. I was living life by resignation. I was not happy. I felt lost to myself, I did not know who I was. My kids were a happy part of me, of my life, and I immersed myself in being mom. Sitting on the floor playing with my kids I started to realize what I truly wanted for myself and my kids. I wanted to be a person who enjoyed life doing activities important to me; being a strong, powerful, happy, positive, and loving woman. I wanted to be a confident, successful, fit, active, and full of energy woman. I wanted to enjoy deep meaningful relationships that are connected and loving. I wanted to enjoy playing in the sprinklers and jumping on trampolines with my kids. I wanted to do work I enjoy and am excited to do and making a difference in people’s lives. Most of all, living the life I wanted to live being me, doing and experiencing what I wanted, creating my life instead of conforming to others. I did not want to be a woman who never stood up for what she wanted and believed in. I did not want to be a woman who did not put herself first. I did not want to be a woman continually doing less and less of what she enjoyed, slowly losing more and more of herself. I did not want my kids to grow up and be less than they are capable of being; to be less than their whole being, not doing what they are passionate about, and not following their unique paths. I remember I was feeling there was something missing from my life, there was a growing emptiness, and I wanted something more for my life. I didn’t know what I was missing or what exactly I wanted. I knew I was not living life fully; I wanted to be more than I was being, I wanted to do more than I was doing, and I wanted to experience a lot more than what I was experiencing. I was not living how I wanted to live. I wasn’t happy and I wasn’t healthy. I didn’t ask myself during that time in my life, What do I want? And going deeper into that question I didn’t ask, Who do I want to be? What do I want to do? What do I want to experience? Sitting on the floor that morning, I did ask myself, What do I want? Who do I want to be? What do I want to do? What do I want to experience? I desired freedom. I dreamed of financial freedom and time freedom. Freedom to enjoy activities with my kids. Financial freedom to live in a home on a lake. My desire for financial freedom got me started, it was my first step to getting reconnected to personal growth and learning about me more intimately. I defined my values and clarified my vision. My values of family and connection, and my vision to be loved how I wanted to be loved; sharing and experiencing relationships and life how I wanted to experience them. My values of growth, connection, and nature, and my vision to be a difference maker in people’s lives; having a retreat center and guiding people to live their truth. My values of wellbeing and nature, and my vision to be healthy, fit, and active outdoors surrounded by nature; energy flowing through my body freely. I wanted freedom to be me. That day sitting on the floor was a turning point in my transformation to living my truth. Creating the life I want to live; being who I am, becoming who I want to be, doing what is most important to me, following my unique path, and experiencing happiness and fulfillment. I began dreaming and imagining the life I wanted to live. My dreams and desires were awakened. That morning was the beginning of a transition awakening to my desires. That time in my life was a big transformation for me, becoming me, the me I wanted to be. That morning and the other moments of connecting to my values and vision was creating my personal guidance system and building confidence to make choices for me. It takes bravery and it takes courage to look at who you are when you are not being the person you want to be. It is easy to get lost in living day-to-day. My kids were my day-to-day, they are one of the most important pieces in my life. And they are a positive, bright shining light in my life. My kids bring me extraordinary joy and boundless love. It was easy to dedicate my life to my kids. But it wasn't enough. I was just living, surviving day-to-day. As much as my kids are part of me, they are not me. I had to be me; I had to become the me I wanted and needed to be. I could only become my authentic being when I engaged who I was being. I did not want to be who I was being. I awakened to my dreams and desires and who I wanted to be and become.