Joy Compass

Introduction “One can have no smaller or greater mastery than mastery of oneself.” ― Leonardo da Vinci When I was young and determined to jam my foot into the door of yoga, I managed a studio and shared my days with Roger, an acupuncturist, a Grand Master Martial Artist and my teacher. I came to the studio each day with enthusiasm and a multitude of technical, spiritual, intellectual, and trivial questions — all of it aimed directly at poor Roger. For his part, Roger was every bit how you might imagine a true sage to be: Quiet, thoughtful, highly skilled and often bewildering. No matter what I lobbed at Roger, he fielded the inquiry with a stillness that would have been downright frightening if I wasn’t such a wild and heedless puppy. Only ever after a most excruciating silence — imagine me reluctantly coming to a sitting position with my tail tucked in — would Roger deliver his answer, which was hardly ever more than an encrypted riddle. For people pleasers (hand raised!), an exchange with Roger was all at once grueling, awkward, and fascinating. What magic potion did he possess that could keep his head from nodding reassuringly up and down, while listening to someone — and where could I get some?! For the Just-Tell-Me-What-To-Do crowd (hand still raised), Roger was an agonizing marvel to behold. However, for the student on the path to mastery, Roger also offered inspiration and the opportunity to forge a deeper understanding through personal experience. One afternoon, seeing me frustrated, overwhelmed and complaining, Roger pushed himself away from his desk, leaned back in his chair, let out a big yawn, and in his slow monotone voice, said, “Oooh Jayme, everything is energy and energy is chaotic. It requires a little bit of management every day.” I shot back a confused look, which, of course, he never saw — Roger was always disappearing to leave me alone with life’s enigmas. Yet on this day, after a few deep breaths and the benefit of being alone with my thoughts, I felt a wave of ease come over me. “Energy is chaos!” Of course — energy is chaos! — which was exactly the seed Roger had been diligently planting throughout my training, but only on that day had the idea finally sprouted. And only then could I finally see the opportunity I had to shape it. But boy did that idea still have a lot of growing to do before it would eclipse my dominant mood — the American mood — a disposition rooted in exasperation, stress, overwhelm and an honest to God belief, that feeling massively stressed out was all the evidence the world needed to see how much I loved my job, and, moreover, that I was good at it. Slowly, but surely, and under the steady guidance of Roger, “a-little-bit-a-lot” became my motto. Another anecdote from Roger that has endured through the years, was the occasion in which my best friend confided to him, after an acupuncture appointment, just how severely she struggled with an addiction to food. “Roger, I just eat and eat and eat and I can’t stop! Is there anything you can do to help me?” Roger carefully contemplated her question before finally asking, “Have you tried will?” Oh, how we rolled on the floor recounting that wisdom for years. Will! Will! Have you tried will? Why hadn’t we thought of that? Thanks a lot Roger! We roared at our own blaring blind spots: We expected healers to heal; we expected experts to give expert advice; and when we signed up to be fixed, we at least expected some pretense about it! But here was Roger, giving it to us straight, letting us see for ourselves that the truth is (sometimes hilariously) simple. But sincerely, thanks a lot Roger. Roger taught the hard lesson, the lesson no one wants to hear: There are no quick-fixes, no panaceas, no life-hack or pro-tip to end all life-hacks and pro-tips. Roger’s lesson was always the same: No one can cure you of you. But also, mercifully, the cure lies within. Well, that wisdom might as well be voodoo for how handily it’s dismissed and exchanged for the science of diet, the dogma of discipline or the flash sale on wellness that you can “bundle and save” on with just a few clicks. Roger’s wisdom, and my own slouching towards it, led me to release my most ancient desire: A smoking hot body, of the swimsuit model variety. Imagine me as a child, in god’s country (rural Arkansas), with hands clasped in solemn prayer: Please God let me be skinny, and maybe also very toned, but most definitely looking very fantastic in a red two-piece bathing suit. Later, as a yoga teacher, the prayer was rebranded as mantra, and buried (but still alive!) within the language of “may the Gods please at least bless me with a defined physique.” Yet, the truth was, no matter how I spun it, my feelings of inadequacy had never waned, and all I really wanted was to strut about the place in a two-piece. So, it was with that image in my heart that I approached my martial arts training. And with due time and effort and practice, I grew to be quite strong and healthy. Only there was no dramatic physical change to my body, and no fix for my morale, which I must have worn on my sleeve, because, finally, one day Roger did say to me, “Jayme, living a healthy balanced life is both science and art.” Once again, my mind split open like a watermelon. All my hedging, all my self-loathing, all my “not good enough” self-talk was what was holding me back, not from a bathing suit, but from joy. And that’s when I began to change — like, actually change. To be truly joyful in my skin, I began to see, I needed to first align my thoughts and energy (chaos!) with my most noble goal: To be healthy and balanced in mind, body, and spirit. From that point forward, exercise, meditation, nutrition, and manifestation shifted from aspirations — or something I did sporadically and often begrudgingly for conditional results — to just some of the myriad activities I might do throughout any given day for the sheer joy of just feeling really damn good. I began to approach my subject (me!) with enthusiasm and curiosity, like how I imagine both a scientist and an artist might engage their subject. The epiphanies were simple, but also nourishing and abundant. When I feel good, life is good. When feeling good is the driving force, exercising, meditating, and nourishing my body, syncs up with my lifestyle. This alignment eliminates resistance, allowing my new practices, habits and coping mechanisms to become as fluid as brushing my teeth or putting on clothes — only somehow not at all rote. Outcomes now provide the privileges of health, wellness, abundance and continual transformation. I’m not saying every day is blissful or magical, but rather, even with so many years having passed since I saturated myself in the wisdom of Roger, there’s still a trust — a strong undercurrent — that keeps me moving towards that northern locale. Like the artist who never stops creating, or the scientist who never stops exploring, it is like this too for the master who never stops learning. This is the embodiment of self, and within that embodiment there is no tension, no fight, no struggle or resistance. When you are aligned with the depths of your soul, life is good for you. And life does of course demand a balance of work, family, friends, finances, health and beyond that, the management of the victories, defeats, mini dramas, major dramas, and the traumas of both the collective and personal. Added to that, most of us still have dreams yet to be realized.