HOW??

During a single counseling session, the author poured out her heart about the grueling years of co-parenting challenges with her ex-husband. However, the counselor immediately recognized that the author was a victim of parental alienation, a term she'd never heard. While she was aware of her ex's resentment toward her, she never imagined he would sever the parent-child bond between her and their son. Parental alienation is a distressing experience that no child or parent should ever have to endure. It occurs when one parent prioritizes their personal animosity toward their ex above the well-being of their children. This detrimental behavior, recognized as a form of child and domestic abuse, encompasses tactics like extreme ridicule, gaslighting and manipulation, and falsehoods. The primary aim is to instill negative feelings in the children toward the other parent, ultimately causing lasting damage to the parent-child relationship. While she had hoped the counselor would provide advice on getting her child back home, she instead absorbed the painful truth that her ex-husband had intentionally orchestrated her son’s separation from her. Trying to digest this reality, the counselor calmly advised her that she had to keep living her life. The mere notion of existing without her son seemed unbearable. Trembling with tears streaming down her face, she responded in dismay, “HOW??” -- Alienated parents are typically devoted, kindhearted people who find themselves in this difficult situation through no fault of their own. They simply have hateful exes who thrive on intentionally causing them harm, knowing that losing a child is the most severe punishment a person can endure as a parent. As these parents suffer from heartbreak and grief, they endure constant sorrow and worry, knowing their children are suffering the abuse of parental alienation. Despite each child inheriting traits from both parents, erasing a parent causes the children to be deprived of a significant part of their identity, leading to consequential issues such as self-esteem problems, substance abuse, suicidal tendencies, academic difficulties, and an elevated risk of being alienated from their own children in the future. The author hadn’t known about parental alienation. She couldn’t have fought a battle she knew nothing about. Instead, she had tried tirelessly to navigate the challenges of her ex’s narcissistic behavior. She was already depleted of energy and strength prior to the alienation. As she learned more about the concept of parental alienation through reading books, searching online, and joining support groups, her chaotic past with her ex-husband started making more sense. She also realized that, despite her efforts always to take the high road and not succumb to the manipulation and lies, she’d unintentionally left their son on an island to fend for himself against the anger and lies about his mother. Born to two parents, he should have been able to love and trust each of them. Instead, he was used as a pawn from a young age through his teen years. The author was determined to unravel the harm caused to her family and regain the loving bond between her and her son. After numerous calls and begging for help, the author discovered that many others were also unaware of this abuse. In addition, when she tried to discuss the situation with family, friends, or professionals, most were reluctant to discuss her situation. They would deflect the topic and not fully engage with her feelings of panic and distress. Furthermore, she found that those who were knowledgeable about the issue couldn’t provide assistance as they informed her that her son being a teenager meant that legal intervention wasn’t possible at this point in his life. The author felt isolated as obstacles blocked her quest for assistance. With diminishing hope, she found herself in a state of constant emotional breakdown, shedding endless tears and drowning in a mix of frustration, fear, sadness, and anger. Battling feelings of helplessness and hopelessness, she struggled with depression, anxiety, despair, inward-directed anger, and self-blame. The burden of severe sleep deprivation from restless nights made it difficult for her to focus. On top of everything, her heart ached for her son. Ten months after the author’s son was fully alienated from her, the heartache and pain persisted as she missed pivotal moments in her son’s life, his 18th birthday, and all the holidays. Determined to rise above the animosity of her ex, she decided to rise about the hate her ex hoped would ruin her. She set a New Year’s resolution to stop crying every day. It wasn’t easy. However, through a lot of urging herself, she found strategies to navigate each day, sometimes trying to make it through the next hour, and sometimes, just through the immediate minutes. This book reveals the strategies that supported her during the toughest times as she tried to emerge into some of her previously happier self. The author of this book aims to assist other alienated parents in finding ways to cope once again. The book starts by offering a basic understanding of narcissism and parental alienation. In the author’s situation, her ex-husband’s narcissism serves as the root cause of the parental alienation dynamic, a common scenario for many. The core of the book focuses on coping strategies, serving as a guide to navigating the world of parental alienation. It offers practical advice for managing this challenging ordeal, finding comfort in the darkest of times, and recognizing common triggers and stress-inducing situations that may destabilize one’s emotional well-being if not anticipated. In addition, it discusses advocating for children effectively, even in the absence of physical presence and without the knowledge of the ex-partner. Everything in the book is written based on the author’s experiences. The methods she used don’t cost much money and won’t cause most people’s lives to flip a 180 turn either. The advisements are things to think about and use to benefit for strength and sanity. Using some or all of the suggested methods will help guide alienated parents through the most difficult days, weeks, months, and sometimes very long-term challenges as an alienated parent. The important thing is to step outside the crud and give permission to feel better. All alienated parents deserve to feel better again. They deserve to have energy again. They deserve to live a life their ex wouldn’t want them to again. Should reconciliation with their children come, and this is the ultimate hope, parents will want to be mentally and physically alive and well, ready to take their children in strong, open arms. Alienated children may need coping tools such as these on their journey to healing as well.