Women and their Improbable Friends

The Reader might ask, as he or she is indeed entitled to, whether this book has anything to do with its title. Yes, it does, we may state that confidently. The title is not intended as a frill. No great poetic license is being taken here, nor is the Reader to fear in any way that they will be lured into some domain where they do not intend to go. Here, as elsewhere, we hold to the concept of consent. By way of introducing this book we might point out that the author had considered other titles along the way. One of them was: On friendship between men and women. The author hesitated. Why? It is very likely that the Readers would assume that the author had something quite bizarre, perhaps even uncanny in mind with this topic. This is, again, not so. Friendship between men and women is not new. It is one of the well-worn certainties of life. Not well-worn, you say? There are, alas, individuals for whom it is not well-worn. Possibly even never worn? If this be true, we offer this book as a proof that not only is such a friendship possible, but it has impressed itself on romantic imagination, and most importantly, it has found its way into movies. And speaking about movies, we don’t mean “buddy movies” (however admirable they may be) — nor, indeed, movies where men and women are dying of thirst in the desert, during some grim campaign, and their friendship is shown in little flickers as they share their last milliliters of water… or other such pictures featuring fatiguing settings, grim subjects, the endurance epics (again, all still quite admirable). No, no, we speak of well-formatted films suitable for evening viewing - with proper settings, costimography, music and friendship which is more than a flicker. The Author is a movie-goer with substantial experience as a fan. She has chosen five films to illustrate the idea of friendship: The Deep End, The Ghost and Mrs. Muir, Truly, Madly, Deeply and Man Trouble. Among them, and not without a trace of favoritism by the author, we find the Japanese cult classic Tampopo. Drama, mystery and comedy are all represented here. The films range from a poised classic (The Ghost and Mrs. Muir from the now so distant 1947) to an energetic comedy with… yes, with Jack Nicholson. Then we have two very moody, very intriguing films The Deep End and Truly Madly Deeply in which friendship takes very intense and elaborate forms . The author is also a Psychologist and a Clinical Researcher with a great deal of experience in Psychodynamic Therapy and special interest in the concepts of complicated mourning and restitution. Restitution is a process of recovery after traumatic loss or damage. Specifically, restitution entails recovery of the sense of strength and wholeness. It is, thus, a substantive and not just superficial recovery. Theoretical framework for this book is derived from diverse domains of Psychodynamic Theory, including Self Psychology. The concepts of Self-Object, Idealizing Transference and Pole of Ambitions as opposed to pole of Ideals, belong to the realm of Self Psychology. They have to do with formation of identity and a Sense of Self. These concepts, along with other pioneering contributions of Heinz Kohut, are reviewed by this author in her earlier work “Psychodynamics and Psychotherapy of Pseudoseizures” (Kalogjera-Sackellares, 2004, pp. 152-196). The reader is referred to this Review, as well as the original paper by Kohut and Wolf (1978). The particular films chosen for this book touch upon issues of complicated mourning and restitution in some way. They are one avenue of exploring this important domain. A very acute loss is depicted in Truly, Madly Deeply. The heroine of The Ghost and Mrs. Muir is not acutely grieving, but her life has lost a lot of its vitality and she is stalled, as it were, a quality which she shares with the heroine of The Deep End. This is a complex story which revolves around a mother’s efforts to rescue her son. Man Trouble is a comedy with Jack Nicholson and Ellen Barkin in which Mr. Nicholson’s character is hired or, rather, hires his German Shepherd to protect a vulnerable soprano. The Soprano, played by Miss Barkin, is a great success, but does not otherwise venture into life. This becomes even more of an issue with an appearance of a stalker/killer in the hills of Los Angeles. The Reader should recall that this is a comedy. The reader should draw further reassurance from the fact that, with Mr. Nicholson on her side, the soprano has nothing to fear. Is this a grim and tedious exposition on a serious topic? No, the underlying dynamics of mourning and loss is highly dramatic. Dynamical refers to a clash of opposites, and not just any opposites, not bricks, for example, but energies through which our daily life takes place. We do not really possess algorithms on how restitution takes place after traumatic loss or mourning. But filmmakers come to our aid here and they have a great deal to offer. The Reader will find that even Ghosts have been recruited into the service of crest-fallen mortals. This book is an exploration of the way the process of friendship and restitution works or works out. What happens in the process of mobilizing others, out of grief and stalemates of all sorts. This exploration takes us into all sorts of realms, especially the realm of Romantic Imagination which is concerned most particularly with the nature of attachments and, also, intrinsically, with the nature of loss. Then we have Myths. In this work, we presented the Myth of Orpheus to help us understand the situation of the mysterious stranger (portrayed by Goran Visnjic) in The Deep End. The film also deals with the dynamics of adolescent sexuality and with drives and how they can claim our attention in despotic ways. Why Myths? We will remember that Myths are stories that depict situations which are inherently challenging and which every generation must come to terms with. A Myth is an account of how the problem was approached earlier – it reflects an understanding which is passed on to us. Along with a cautionary note, perhaps (No, no, it doesn’t all end up in a tragic sense of life!) Myths are thus stories which contain an inheritance of understanding. Hence their longevity. They are not ordinary stories, they are pedigreed accounts of human condition. A Myth is also a place - a stage on which the problem works itself out. Like a play, it has a structure, a progression. It allows the working out of all the key elements of a situation. A film, likewise, provides both a story and a stage which allows the unfolding of a particular kind of destiny. The title, as we stated, is not frivolous. On the other hand, it is not lead weight either. Thus, the Reader will find that, in exploring our topic, we have drifted into all sorts of realms. The Reader is encouraged to follow.