Awake–Aware–Conscious

How to change…and why we struggle. “The 3 C’s of Life: Choices, Chances, Changes. You must make a choice to take a chance or your life will never change”. – Zig Ziglar We all want lasting change, when we make that decision to change something in our lives. How many times do the changes start well then fizzle out completely or don’t get off the ground at all. We judge or criticise ourselves for not sticking with it, lack of will power or any other negative belief, making it that much harder next time. If we want lasting change, then there are a few things to consider, before we even start. 1. Who are you changing for - Yourself or someone else? Changing for the benefit of someone else, or they push you too, never works out. Unless you are truly committed to doing this because YOU want the change, you will never stick with it. We pull out lots of excuses, for why it didn’t work, to justify our lack of success. Let’s use as an example a common area that people want to change - Smoking. Say both sentences below with emphasis on the bold word, feel the difference in your body and emotions. When we own our words there is power to them. “You need to stop smoking!” “I choose to stop smoking!” 2. Is this change what you really want? ‘What will happen if I don’t change?’ ‘How much better will things be when I change?’ What is the payoff for changing? Be honest, sometimes we don’t really want to change, on some level this negative outcome/payoff is working for us. Our thinking brain or ego wants to stay in charge and in control, you need to be willing to step out of the ego and let go of the excuses that keep you in control of the known. What will the positive payoffs look like? E.g., ‘Smoking keeps me calm and reduces my stress’ ‘I can start walking and improving my breathing’ 3. YOU are the one who needs to change You need to accept responsibility for your own actions/behaviours. Acknowledge that if you want a different outcome then you are the one who needs to change your automatic response/reaction and step into being open to other possibilities or even the unknown. Recognising any emotions that you have locked in around these actions/behaviours, healing that wounded part of yourself. E.g., ‘I was the one who chose to smoke, I can choose not to put that cigarette to my lips’ 4. It must be now. This is the critical step. YOU need to be at that tipping point. Sometimes life will give you a shakeup or a reality check. Until you recognise that there is no better time than now or you are at a crisis point, saying I’ll start that tomorrow/next week/new year just shows you are not ready yet. E.g., ‘I don’t want to harm the baby’s health; I have to stop now’ 5. What is my action plan? You have the motivation and have made the decision to start now, but unless you have a plan of action, you are potential without motion. It’s time to find the support that you may need, the information that will help you make decisions or a plan. Start with some simple focus questions: Who, what, when, where… forget the why, you have already dealt with that. Don’t just find single answers; go for as many as you can. E.g., ‘What steps do I need to take, now that I am ready?’ Who - can help me? … has more information? … would support me? What - are my options? … can I change? … is my target? When - can I start? … will I know if I am succeeding? Where - can I find resources? … can I make changes? The tumour was my crisis point, I recognised that if I wanted things to change, then it was completely up to me. There is certainly nothing like a crisis to make you hit the ground running. As I was not considered a priority case because of my early detection, I kept being bumped down the list. For this I was actually grateful, it gave me more time to put my plan into action and heal myself. I kept focusing on that message that everything would be fine. I kept my intention and my focus on lasting change and continued to move forward doing anything that I thought would help. Be specific in what you want, make it manageable, make it achievable, be realistic in your expectations and time frame. This is a process/journey — every step counts, be kind and supportive to yourself. If you have a step back, that is fine, just move forward again when you can. You are the one driving this change, so be accountable to no one but yourself. You can’t make others change. They have to make the choice to do it themselves. The old saying, ‘You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink,' is very true. Support them, without pushing your point of view, no matter how well intended. People reach that tipping point in their own time, some never do, it is not for us to make that choice for them. Sometimes all we can do is love them and accept their right to choose, no matter how much we want to help or how hard that may be. By stepping back and letting them know that you will support them, whatever their choice is, the pressure is taken off and they are more inclined to consider their options. Unless YOU are at that tipping point or threshold, then now is not the time to make the change. Change is a process, not an event. I allow myself time to step into this new journey, without judgment or fear. I recognise NOW is the time to change and I am the one with the power.