LifeJackets

My conversation with her that night was mostly around her going to jail for an extended period. She knew, as well as I did, this was bad. A fourth DUI in Montana would have put her in prison and I expected Washington would be no different. Her sadness and fear were too much. I was so scared she would take her own life that night and I didn't know if I would ever recover if that happened. I quickly made plans to be in Spokane for her Monday morning hearing. The plane ticket cost a fortune, but I didn't care, I was going. The hearing was at 10:00. I would barely make it with my flight, but I had to try. I arrived in Spokane a little after 9:00 am, rented a car, and flew to the courthouse. I didn't know where I was going and I finally found the courtroom a few minutes after 10:00 am. She was standing in the hallway crying. I had missed the hearing. As I approached her, she was shaking and disheveled. My mother-in-law was standing there looking a bit stunned. I prepared myself for the worst. She was going to jail. I sat down next to her on the bench and asked what happened. She could barely talk but she softly uttered, the judge told me to go to school. I was confused and looked at my mother-in-law to help me fill in the blanks. She confirmed that the judge had questioned her about why she had just recently moved to Spokane, and learned about her recent success with the drug courts in Montana. She also let her know that this is considered a first offense for her in Washington and that if she agreed to a treatment plan and stayed out of trouble for five years this charge would be expunged from her record. She then learned that she was supposed to start school the following day and told her she needed to go to school as planned. A complete stranger just gave my child a golden life jacket. A life jacket I didn't even know existed. Apparently, there are other people in this world that are in the saving business, and we had just been the recipient of that kind of caring. A chance that none of us thought she deserved, this judge saw it differently. I couldn’t believe it. I couldn’t believe anyone would give her another chance. Even I had given up and thought this would be the day they took her to jail for a long-term stint. But no. The emotions that flooded through me were intense. I had given up and for the first time in this journey, someone else stepped in and said no, we are not giving up. A stranger looked at my child and said, we are going to try again. This moment in hindsight was probably the most important of any. We left and I took her back to her apartment. We sat and talked for a bit, me trying to understand what happened to make her drink again. She said she was scared and alone and it just happened. I asked her if she wanted to stay and try school. This new treatment plan and probation would be intense. The truth was she had to stay in Washington to fulfill the court’s requirements, and the judge had specifically requested she go to school. Who was I to deny the judge’s wishes. I was actually happy someone else had stepped in and made a decision I did not want to make. My mind went crazy after that conversation. How was she going to go to school, she had lost her driver’s license, she had lost her job, she had lost her sobriety, and I had lost my sense of peace again. My full-time lifeguard position was back and this time I would have to balance this from afar. My mother-in-law was an amazing advocate for our daughter and helped her navigate the bus system and provided rides when absolutely necessary. They became good friends in the process. An unexpected reward of this bad situation. She started school, went to treatment, found a new AA group, and fought as I have never seen her fight for her recovery. The first few months were tough. The transportation piece was by far the most challenging. She was eligible after 90 days to apply to get a provisionary license to drive again. I hated this idea but knew that it was a possible solution. I flew back to Spokane for a couple of days as she worked through the system of getting her license back, having a blow device installed in her car, and putting wheels under her again. It seemed too soon, but we all knew another DUI would most definitely land her in prison and whatever had happened during those two days in jail had sufficiently scared her to not take that chance. My husband and I had to make some hard and unpopular choices. Because she was now in full-time school and treatment, she was not able to work for the next two years. If she was going to be able to stay, we would have to pay her expenses. All of her expenses. I know my name might be next to the enabling chapter in most recovery books, but I did it anyway. I weighed the choices and I decided to go all in. We maxed out her student loans and for the next two years, we paid for her to live, go to school, and go to treatment. It came with a large amount of debt to me personally, and a large amount of judgment from those around me. Nobody and I mean nobody thought we should do it. But I did. I kept thinking about that random judge who saw value in her and I was not going to be the reason that stranger was wrong. I hunkered down for the next two years and took the judgment and disapproval on the chin. I didn't care what everyone else thought.