The Dance

As a product of a divorced household being put first restored my sense of security in knowing that I did not have to choose between my parents and that both would be there for me. Seeing them get along gave me a sense of peace and decreased my level of anxiety. As I reflect, at that time I didn’t know what to call what I was feeling, I just knew that what I was feeling didn’t feel good. It was as if someone died, the life I had grown up with for 15 years was over, and I was unsure of what to expect. Even though my dad lived close by, it was still different not having him in the home. Now I realize what I was experiencing was grief. It seemed that I should have been able to say something or do something that would make my parents want to stay together or get back together but of course better than what they were at the end of their marriage. As stated throughout this book my parents were able to become friends and as a result were an awesome team when it came to parenting. They chose not to set up child support or visitation through the court. My father paid the child support directly to my mother and he could visit anytime he wanted to visit and believe me; he did just that. By my father purchasing a house within walking distance from the family home; my parents worked out a schedule for cooking dinner and making sure that my brother and I got to and from school, and extracurricular events; my eldest brother was in the Army when our parents divorced. All 3 of us had our challenges with adjusting but I would imagine; to have your parents married when you left home and then to return home for a leave from the service to a single parent household, had to be a culture shock. My brother David and I had an opportunity to adjust by being there through the entire process; but Terry did not have that time to adjust. Our family’s situation was quite unique and special. Even as an adult child, I cannot express the importance of parents being friends or at least cordial. My brothers and I did not have to decide which parent to invite for the holidays, birthday celebrations, or cookouts we were having just because. Both of my parents remarried; and their spouses seem to have adjusted well in understanding our family unit. During the time of my parents’ divorce, many of my peers’ parents were divorcing as well. It was as if there was something in the air and divorce was the newest fad. It was devastating what was happening to all these families. Although there were a couple of families that divorce would have been a better outcome. In the spirit of protecting some people that I love tremendously; I have chosen not to share those stories; but they rocked our community and made me feel blessed that my parents walked away from each other and were able to have mutual respect. My family having a spiritual connection was another force that allowed my parents to be friends and helped to ground me personally. Trust me, I did all the dumb stuff most teenagers do; but at the same time, I was a nerd and a bookworm; and certainly, had a vision of being successful. I have experienced the power of my earthly father and my Heavenly Father in my life. Returning to our spiritual foundation will help to heal our families.