Say Yes to Yourself

Patio Furniture Guy was much skinnier and had all gray hair on his head. I wondered, How old were those photographs he used? However, he was all smiles, polite, and easy to talk to; plus, he shared my love of music. A successful breakfast meant he graduated to a lunch date. He met my friend Mary when I had to stop by my office. “He seems sane,” she said. “But if you go missing, I can describe him to the police. Good luck.” Eventually, Patio Furniture Guy and I did dinner and a movie together. At that point, even though we were dating, the texting leveled up. I was getting about one hundred texts a day, from the minute my phone was turned on to when I shut it down at night. We had been dating for two weeks when he introduced me to his younger son, who was around nineteen. Then he wanted me to meet his older son, wanted to plan vacations together, and started complaining about his apartment lease being up soon. Then he told me he loved me. You, dear reader, have probably realized already what I did not: he was a narcissist. He was love-bombing me. Once I saw the red flags, I could not unsee them. I decided to set a boundary. The boundary was for him to stop texting me during work hours. My job had started up again with masks and social distancing. I did not have time for so many texts. He did not respect the boundary. When I ended the relationship, I calmly explained that I had made a request and that he had not respected it. “You didn’t listen to me, Patio Furniture Guy.” There is a thing called narcissistic rage, and that was what he displayed. The last words he said were “Oh, I listen. I’ll show you.” Click. I had divorced a narcissist, so this person did not scare me. I am also an excellent shot and have guns strategically placed in my home. I went to bed. The next morning, as I was getting ready for work, I swore I heard something outside my door. I presumed it was my neighbor leaving for her job. I opened my door at seven fifteen to head to my car. I found patio furniture waiting for me on my doorstep. During one of my conversations with Patio Furniture Guy, I had mentioned I had ordered two chairs, but the order had been canceled due to COVID-19 shortages. The chairs on my doorstep were the exact chairs I’d mentioned but in a different color. He was trying to show me he listened. I thought sarcastically, No, that’s not odd at all. I put down my coffee and briefcase to move the furniture inside and then left for work. He texted me a few weeks later. Patio Furniture Guy wanted me to know how great he was doing and that he still thought of me. He never mentioned the chairs, but we both knew. Weird. I never sat in those chairs. I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Takeaways The odds that I would leave a narcissist only to find another narcissist are actually pretty good. If you believe in law-of-attraction theory, then like attracts like. Dysfunction will find dysfunction. In addition, narcissism is on the rise. There are more narcs out there than ever before, so do your research, and know the signs. I have found videos on YouTube from Dr. Ramani and Lisa A. Romano helpful on breaking down warning signs. Also, set boundaries, and stick to them. Your boundaries define who you are and how you want to be treated. Consciously make the effort to define what you want in a relationship before setting out for a mate.