A Game of Intrigue

In the cramped windowless room where we met, the words spoken by the person in charge landed with unmistakable authority; and they ignited a sting deep within me as I listened. The implosion inside my mind and gut hurt, and I bent forward and clenched my arms around me in pain. The illusions I had believed for most of my life had been exposed; my pretenses were laid bare in full sight. I wanted to run but I did not know where. My hollow arrogance had steered me down a path with a disastrous end and no escape. It had shattered me, and I was devastated; and I needed to get out of that room to clear my head. That action needed to happen now. The exposure of light on my sham parade had dissolved the familiar darkness of my habits and thrown me off. I was lost. I was defeated. And I needed to catch my breath. This series of true events and interpretations seemed to have made up much of my life. When would I learn something useful? Would I ever? I grew up believing I was entitled to a privileged life. I was the oldest of four girls, and since my sisters were younger than I was, I assumed I could hold my position in age as an advantage. My brother was older than me, so I looked to him as entitled to lead all five siblings including me. However, as time tends to give us the truth, this age advantage did not play out according to assumptions. In my case, there were crucial happenings during those early years with siblings that left indelible marks and interpretations in place for years. I will explain this later in the book. As the tales of my travels unfold, a continual expansion of consciousness is revealed. Indeed, the adventurous journeys lay out how I lived on a pathway that led through innocence, followed by a stretch of arrogance that was so gripping that I wondered if I would ever be happy again, and then finally to investigating life amidst all the goings on, to see what might be worth knowing. I chose activities in territories unknown to me much of the time with a willingness to play and learn no matter what happened. As a result, I found out how to protect and fend for myself in a world I did not trust; and I discovered a path through the prickly brambles obstructing the way so I could regain my balance should I get harmed physically, mentally, emotionally, or spiritually. I needed to find out if people were okay with me and we could get along together. It is my hope that as you read through these experiences, some of the happenings and feelings expressed in these writings will resonate with you especially regarding what we human beings deal with in life and can resolutely overcome. Along the way in my writings, I have gained volumes of encouragement and insight from the writings of many authors, illuminated teachings of many seminar leaders, generously shared experiences of diverse participants in group activities, and from the insights in conversations individually with people of great wisdom. I offer this chronicle of adventures with the possibility that it may be encouraging in some way for your own adventures and perhaps to aid in untangling any thorny brambles you may encounter.