Growing Happiness

The roller coaster ride of my first forty years or so on this planet, although very scary on the downward sections, at least brought to me the realisation that if I dealt with my fear and anxiety the ride would be much more comfortable and may even be enjoyable. In particular, the near-death experience resulting from my discovered heart condition demanded that I no longer had a choice of whether to work on myself or not, unless I wanted a one-way ticket out of the fairground of life. And that was a ticket I was not ready to take. I loved my two daughters very much. I loved my husband to-be and my stepson too. Not to mention my dearest mother who had gone through so much herself and she did not deserve to have the extra burden of worrying about her only daughter. Preparing the soil was indeed a lot of work with many mistakes made and much to learn. I now needed to plant healthy seeds in order to benefit from what I had experienced during that time. These seeds would give hope for a happier and more stable future. It was not the end of the self-work, it was the start. I was open to gaining insight into how to keep my wild emotions under control and push forward with my passion of teaching and doing something purposeful in the world. And with this new found motivation, I would need to nurture myself like never before or face the stark consequences. By 1999 I had moved up in my career to the responsibility of heading a school which was something I did not take lightly at all. It had been a source of great joy to work with secondary school children in Government schools and then at tertiary level with trainee teachers at Moshupa College of Education. But now I was leading a group of the most dedicated workers on earth: primary school teachers! I took my role of guiding and counseling the teachers in my team very seriously, which demanded that I be a strong and healthy role model. This again required inner work to be done. Secondly, the fact that I had been given the opportunity to choose how I dealt with my heart condition was empowering. I could either rely on medication and possibly have a pace maker fitted if things got really bad or I could find ways to improve my self-love, self-esteem, self-value, self-worth or whatever you would like to call it. Yes, it would be hard work and require dedication and commitment, but the benefits promised to go far beyond keeping my heart condition under control. I am not sure if I was really aware of those benefits at that time but I certainly did when my life started to blossom later on.