I Choose Me

One Day at a Time From the moment I found out what my husband had done, I felt trapped in a swirl of thoughts and emotions. At any given point of the day I would just keep replaying everything in my head, over and over. I would be driving to work, and I would get so angry that I would just start screaming. If I wasn’t screaming, sometimes I would just cry. I felt out of control and powerless to stop the direction of my thoughts. Then one evening a short time after my husband was sentenced, my sanity returned. From all my spiritual studies, I knew about the power of thoughts and the law of attraction. I knew that thoughts reproduce similar thoughts, and I knew that whatever you place your attention on expands. I had been completely focusing on the hurt instead of on the healing. This aha moment was a turning point for me. Once I reached that turning point, I focused on what healing would look like for me. The word forgiveness was the first thing that came to mind, but I didn’t know where to begin. I had heard that forgiveness is the act of consciously choosing to let go of hurt caused by someone, but not condoning or excusing what they did. It is an act of self-love that releases us from the situation so we may heal. One day when I was thinking about how to work on the forgiveness that was so desperately needed, a thought came to mind. I had heard the following saying many times: “What you think of me is none of my business.” So, if what you think of me is none of my business, that means that what I think of you is none of your business. I need to say that again! What I think of you is none of your business. Wow! After calling my now ex-husband every name in the book, that realization placed my feelings right back into my own lap; they were my responsibility. But I found this very empowering. My feelings were totally within my own control, no one else’s. It took me out of victim mode. Another process that helped me tremendously was contemplating the law of attraction and applying it to my own situation, which was so emotionally charged that forgiveness would have been unattainable from that state of victimhood. I knew instinctively that in order to diffuse the situation in my thoughts, I would have to look at it from a neutral place, to somehow take the personalities out of the equation. If you have never heard of the law of attraction, it states in Esther and Jerry Hicks’ book titled The Law of Attraction, “That which is like unto itself, is drawn.” The entire universe is made up of energy, and we are all vibrational beings. Our thoughts and emotions all vibrate at different levels, positive emotions being higher vibrations and negative emotions being lower vibrations. The law of attraction is constantly matching things up that are of like vibration. It is totally impartial. I had no idea what my granddaughters and I each had going on in our own vibrations that had brought us into that situation, and I didn’t need to figure that part out. It was enough just to know what was going on from that different perspective. I still didn’t condone anything that my ex-husband did, but when I approached my forgiveness process from this perspective, I was able to release myself emotionally in order to start healing. He had already been held accountable for his actions, and that was none of my business. My job now was to work on myself. I knew for sure that if I didn’t want to keep attracting the same type of experiences into my life, I would need to change my own vibration.