Are You My Father?

(Note: This was the very first question. It was asked in order to establish with certainty that I was indeed the “Cliff Dean” which Ancestry.com claimed was his father.) QUESTION: Did you happen to donate to a clinic in the early 80s near Arizona? “COW TOSSING” In the mid-to-late ‘70s I spent time at the University of Idaho completing an undergraduate degree in philosophy. I lived in a dorm with lots of other students and became friends with one of the guys just a few doors down from my room. He was a big bruiser (about 6’6” and 350 pounds) but one of the nicest and gentlest men you would ever want to meet. He was training to be a veterinarian, so I tagged along with him on many of his veterinary experiences. That was where I learned “cow tossing.” In one of the veterinary trainings/experiments he was involved in, he had to give cows an injection after he had wrestled them to the ground. Of course the big trick was getting the cow safely off its feet and lying on its side on the ground so that the necessary procedures could be accomplished. He figured I was big enough and strong enough to help him, so he showed me his tricks for “tossing cows.” Together we would go flip all the cows onto their sides so that all the veterinary students could do their work. It was a unique form of essential and useful entertainment. The two of us did quite a bit of interesting stuff like that together, and I got to know him pretty well. In one of our conversations he revealed to me that he was a child born through artificial insemination and we discussed at length his feelings and attitudes about that. He was totally and completely positive about it and grateful for it. His parents had wanted a child very badly, but his father was never able to provide viable sperm. They had finally asked a family friend to donate sperm, and he was born as a result. Both he and his parents viewed the sperm donor as an unmitigated blessing to them all. My friend had grown up happily on a farm in a family full of love. He impressed upon me the reality that, in a world where so many children are unwanted and unloved and uncared for, anyone who seeks out artificial fertilization is highly likely to really want that child and will actually do everything within his/her power to provide loving care and a good home for that child. His positive emotional intensity about the subject made a big impact upon me, and I never forgot it… … eventually I decided to train to be a court reporter… at the Arizona School of Court Reporting in downtown Phoenix, Arizona… As it so happened, there was a sperm bank just a few doors down from the school… I hadn’t noticed or paid any attention to it, but one day one of the owners came over to talk to the owners of my school and he noticed me. He introduced himself and suggested I come by to see him at the sperm bank later. When I did, he offered me the opportunity to become a donor – if everything about me checked out. I discussed this at length with my wife, accentuating my positive feelings about possible benefits and blessings of artificial insemination as informed through my experiences with my veterinary friend back at the University of Idaho. She wholeheartedly agreed with the idea, so I became a regular sperm donor at the clinic for the next year or two until I left Phoenix to go to school in Oklahoma to become an air traffic controller. I subsequently spent 25 years as an air traffic controller. I spent the first year in Hawaii, and most of the rest of the time in northern California (San Francisco Bay area) where I personally controlled almost 9% of the entire surface of the world. But that’s another story – if you’re interested later… I’ve led a very interesting and unusual life. I’ve been very blessed. And it looks like I may have yet another blessing in you. You sound like the manifestation of what I hoped for thirty-five years ago – a blessing to your family and a competent and loving addition to the world in general. I love your literacy and your ability to think and write, as well as your humor and your attitude. I could ramble on endlessly, but it’s more important that I address whatever specific questions you may have and allow you to direct the conversation so that it is most satisfying to you. What would you like to know? QUESTION: How are you feeling about this discovery? THANKFUL The short answer: Amazed and grateful. Thirty-five years ago I hoped I was doing something that would turn out to be a true blessing to others – but I really had little or no control over the results. I hoped that the families involved would be loving, caring, responsible, and capable – but I really had no control over that. I hoped that the children involved would grow to be strong, happy, healthy, loving, caring, responsible, capable people who would be a blessing to themselves, their families, their communities, and the world – but I really had no control over that. It was all really just a leap of faith over which I had very little or no control. And I never expected to ever know the results. And now this: Out of the blue I discover that in at least one instance all my hopes came true. Your family was indeed loving, caring, responsible, and capable. You have grown up strong, happy, healthy, loving, caring, responsible, and capable. And you are proving yourself to be a blessing to everyone around you – yourself, your family, your fiancée, your dogs, your employer, your friends, your community (e.g., coaching a girls’ basketball team and manning a suicide hotline), the world (e.g., your book exposing people to a different reality), and a thousand other things that I don’t yet know anything about. You make me proud. You make me grateful. You make me feel useful. Thank you.