Mothering Millennials

I couldn’t wait to be a mother…but I thought mothering was supposed to end when your child turned 18. I had no idea it goes on and on and on! Whatever happened to kids moving out at 18 and getting a job, or going off to college, AND GETTING A JOB?! Apparently these were generally accepted ideas up into the 1970’s or ’80’s, but it just doesn’t hold anymore. With the current generation, it appears more than likely that you will continue to support and/or house your adult child well into their 30’s. We can get into the socio-economic reasons contributing to the truth of this, and we can even go higher into the spiritual/energetic version of this truth. But it won’t change a thing for you (although it may make you more sympathetic!) Your son or daughter will still remain indefinitely on the dole, or on the couch. If this sounds all too familiar to you, it’s time to face the fact: You’re playing “mommy” to an adult child. How do you feel about that? If you’re the average woman you probably have mixed emotions. The Pros: you love your daughter and love having her around. You’ll miss getting pedicures together and watching movies cuddled up on the couch. Your son loves your cooking and if it wasn’t for him you’d be eating alone. He mows the lawn sometimes and hugs you when you do his laundry. If he’s not living at home, at least he calls once or twice a week to see how you are (and ask for money.) And she definitely calls once a month or comes by because the rent is due! The Cons: He only calls when he needs something. She only calls when she has a problem. You’re running out of time, money and patience! The fact that you’re not getting any younger is not lost on you! and you have no social life because how can you explain the 30 year old camped out in your living room to the new guy you just met in yoga class? I loved my son so much and I really only wanted to support him in succeeding; after all he was my only child! So I did everything I could to help him thru school and life. Others, including my family and husband, accused me of spoiling him, enabling him. I resented the negative feedback. I never did care for unsolicited advice. I maintained that I had a special relationship with my child and it was really nobody’s business. Maybe it was because I was a single mom for so long.; I don’t know. What I do know is that my son’s dependency on me grew and I did not look forward to the time when he would leave home. When he was a little boy he once said, “mommy, even when I grow up I’ll never leave you!” Of course I knew that wasn’t true, but I think deep down I wished it was because of my love and closeness with him.