The Power of Soul Loving

Chapter 7: The Courage to Love Everyone wants to feel and experience love, and it would seem this is the greatest desire for all human beings. So, it’s strange to think that we would need courage to love ourself, assuming we have been comfortable so far, not loving ourself. In the years leading up to my awakening I was unaware that for most of my life I was believing, thinking and behaving in a way that was reflective of my lack of self-belief and love. It wasn’t that I had consciously made a decision to choose not to love myself. I had built layers and layers of limiting beliefs about myself and the world, and I had developed years of self-deprecating habits and experiences to back these up. Over many years this led me down a path of self-judgment, poor thinking and a lack of esteem for my true self. In time I had become well practiced in giving my love and personal power away, denying the value of myself, my uniqueness, gifts, talents, interests and well-being. My beliefs and behaviours had become a mix of unconscious strategies and habits that were designed to deflect attention and responsibility from myself, for fear that I would somehow be in the limelight and judged as the person who was not good enough, not smart enough, misunderstood and not deserving of love. At the time I was unaware at how adept I had become at living with this self-imposed negative and unloving armour that I struggled to wear daily. Living with this kind of self-perception was so normal that I believed this was the real me. I believed that this was all that I could expect from myself and that I should just accept it. With this kind of limiting belief, I was closing doors of opportunities, pulling down the shades, and essentially telling myself I was prepared to live each day with this heavy yoke over my shoulders. Without realizing, I was travelling further down the road away from True Love. With this mindset I was seeing only what was not whole and complete in me. As a result, everything in my world was reflecting these beliefs and perceptions. When we are unaware of the truth and we live unconsciously, we resort to deflecting personal responsibility for our choices and we attribute blame to others for our circumstances. I am so grateful today that through a number of timely experiences, seeds of light and love were being planted within me to awaken me. I began to hear the voice of God calling out to me, urging me back toward the path of Divine Love. In those moments when I could sense my Higher Self reminding me of my true value, there was both a wonderful recognition of my connection to Divinity (of True Love) and at the same time, a sense of fear that a great personal transformation was imminent. It seems to be human nature or our human conditioning in this earthly experience of contrasts that we automatically allow our thoughts to drift towards the limits of fear rather than the freedom of True Love. As I became more conscious of my lack of self-love and my desire to move closer towards Divine Love, the attraction of the light within my Soul grew stronger. Dark recesses were being exposed, which was both wonderful and scary at the same time. Once you begin to awaken and you learn the truth, you cannot unlearn it. The more I realized what I wanted, the more I came to understand that inner change was necessary if I truly wanted to live with more love. For most people, the onset of significant change is often terrifying, even if we won’t admit it to ourselves. I knew that staying unconscious and accepting a life of self-imposed unhappiness and burden was no longer the path I wanted to take. I desired more love in my life. I desired to live as my true and complete self. It was then I realized that it was going to take a lot of inner work to overcome the years of mental and emotional conditioning of un-love that I had created. This is when I knew I needed to bring forth all of the courage I could muster to fight the good fight, and to go through my transformation with faith, determination and trust. Developing courage to love myself meant being willing to accept the kind of growing pain that comes with uncovering the hidden and making everything visible in the light of unconditional love. It meant doing the inner work of being stretched and challenged in order to grow in wisdom and to develop trust, faith, determination and love. Saying ‘yes’ to my personal growth and transformation was not a trip down easy street where living a good life would simply be a matter of everything going my way. The choice to love myself completely and unreservedly meant being stretched beyond my comfort zone. In the early stages I felt that I was constantly wading through sticky pools of mud that pulled me back down into the depths of my fears. It was seriously challenging, and yet Divine Love was my inspiration. I knew the path toward freedom and greater love is paved with self-compassion and an acceptance of myself exactly where I am in any moment. “It takes courage ... to endure the sharp pains of self-discovery rather than choose to take the dull pain of unconsciousness that would last the rest of our lives.” - Marianne Williamson Having courage is often described as taking action in the face of fear, persevering in the face of adversity, standing up for what is right, following your heart and intuition, expanding your horizons, letting go of the familiar, and facing suffering with dignity and faith. For me developing courage is all of these things, but most importantly, it’s learning how to love myself every day and live with unconditional love as my inspiration, despite my circumstances or my own fears.