Can You See What Eye See?

Can You See What Eye See Envision a Better You and a Better World. M. Chere Sampson Contents Acknowledgments Introduction Chapter 1. Breathe, Smile, and Be at Ease Chapter 2. Listen Attentively to Understand, Not to Respond Chapter 3. Resist the Desire to React WAIT ( Why Am I Talking? Why am I Texting/Tweeting?) Chapter 4. Give Each Other the Safety to Identify and Express Emotions and Feelings Chapter 5. Don’t Assume; Ask for Clarification Chapter 6. Don’t Take Things Personally Chapter 7. Guard Against Defensiveness Chapter 8. Relinquish the Need to be Right Chapter 9. Be Direct. Be Kind. Chapter 10. Be Aware of the Power of Your Words Chapter 11. Raise Self-Awareness to Guide Reframing Chapter 12. Shed the Burden of Judgment Chapter 13. Replace Expectations with Hope Chapter 14. Don’t Worry. It Doesn’t Help. Chapter 15. Let Go of the Need to Control Others Chapter 16. Practice Positive, Compassionate Confrontation Chapter 17. Establish Clear, Healthy Boundaries Chapter 18. Discover the Freedom of Forgiveness Chapter 19. Review, Resolve, and Release Resentments Chapter 20. Transform Regrets and Remorse Chapter 21. Truth—The Oldest Virtue Chapter 22. Stress Is Inevitable—Use It to Build Resilience Chapter 23. Self-Love, Self-Care Chapter 24. Give Only What you Want to Receive Chapter 25. Renew Your Happiness Every Day Chapter 26. Focus on What You Want to Attract—Law of Attraction Chapter 27. Redefine Rejection Chapter 28. Live in the Present Moment Chapter 29. Be Peaceful Chapter 30. Be Grateful Chapter 31. Bring Back Joy   Excerpt from Chapter 23 Self-Love, Self-Care. Taking care of myself is a big job. No wonder I avoided it for so long. —Anonymous Self-care is often misconstrued as selfishness, and there is a simple distinction between the two. A selfish act would come from a person who simply does not care about anyone else. Obviously, that is not true for you. Self-care, on the other hand, is the interconnected approach to taking care of your emotional, physical and spiritual well-being. This equips you to build a better relationship with self and others. The importance of self-care is often illustrated in this airplane analogy from in-flight instructions. You are directed, in the event of an emergency, to place the oxygen mask over your own face first before assisting others. You certainly cannot help anyone if you pass out from lack of oxygen. Another humorous analogy is recognizing that if you are a tow truck, you must fix your own flat tire first before you can tow other vehicles. How many times have you heard the expression “Physician, heal thyself!” Giving and receiving are the two wings of generosity. You cannot be a true giver if you block your ability to receive, because that type of giving often comes with control and expectations. Healthy giving is a simple act of kindness, and there is no attachment or resentment. Healthy receiving opens the way to expressing gratitude and blessing the giver. When you believe that “what I give to you I give to myself,” giving and receiving become effortless. Like the clear pond, there is an inflow and an out flow. Without an inflow, the pond would dry up, and without an outflow, the pond would become stagnant and overflow the banks. So, catch yourself when you fall back into thinking your healthy actions are “selfish” and replace this with the appropriate word “self-care.” Excerpt from Chapter 3 – Resist The Desire to React WAIT (Why Am I Talking? Why Am I Texting/Tweeting?) Reactive people are everywhere— in traffic and shopping centers, on forums and social networks, on television and in the news, at work, everywhere. How can you avoid being seduced into reacting in anger or other emotions? Acronyms like WAIT are sprinkled throughout this book to help you, at the right moment, access the tool you need. When you choose to apply WAIT, Why am I talking can be closely followed by What am I thinking? Words empty as the wind are best left unsaid —Homer WAIT works in tandem with the pause button, like a two-person kayak. The concept of the pause button provides an image, along with a physical action, to interrupt the progression of reacting impulsively. You can stop right now and install your own pause button, choosing a spot like your wrist or knee. Taking a deep conscious breath, as suggested in chapter 1— or better still, taking three conscious breaths to lower the intensity — and hitting your pause button gives you time to think it through more clearly and dispassionately. Visualize how your pause button could put everything on hold, allowing you to become a detached witness. Self-control is our greatest strength. —Roy Baumeister The intention is to move from reactive to responsive, having your thoughts and actions move from fear to love. Applying your pause button provides the important space between the event and your response to the event. In the moments of silence, both the speaker and listener can reflect on what was said and what each person felt. Think of a situation when words were tossed mindlessly back and forth, becoming increasing hurtful, and in retrospect, it all seemed so pointless. When you WAIT, you take full responsibility, and you no longer have to justify your reactive behaviors by blaming someone else. Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lie our growth and our freedom. —Viktor E. Frankl