Learning How to Get Through It

What happens when we leave? I mean what really happens when we leave anything or anyone? What happens when they leave us? Why is it that sometimes it can be so difficult? It can feel hard to leave a job, relationship, a family home or even a party. This is definitely true in my family traditions. We call it the “long Grancagnolo goodbyes.” Any time we are together, regardless of the circumstance, it takes forever for us to say goodbye and eventually leave. It could be a party, wedding, wake or funeral; we linger and linger, as we are getting ready to leave. We actually can predict it! It seems like when it’s time to leave, somebody starts to move around in the group in an attempt to say goodbye. Then we engage in a variety of conversations, kissing, hugging, and kissing and hugging again. This continues for an hour until somebody declares, “Let’s go! The car is running!” Eventually we leave, savoring every moment as we then proceed to our cars. As soon as cars begin rolling, we start discussing the happenings throughout the ride home. Then, as if that weren’t enough closure, most of us will call each other to make sure we got home safely! We either really love each other or just have “issues” about leaving. My guess is that it’s probably a little bit of both! Regardless of the root source for our particular concerns, doubts, attachments or fears, exits can carry a variety of emotional baggage, both knowingly and unknowingly. Perhaps the truth about exits is that they are all natural, progressive, and necessary for our personal development. With every ending, there is the promise for a better beginning. This ongoing process of endings linking to beginnings is as certain as each exhale that gives way to the next glorious inhale. It is the permanent cycle of life. Even though we innately know that this is the truth about life, we oftentimes remain unaware with regard to how we personally respond to endings that have occurred along the path of life. Sometimes we are too young to really comprehend the impact of specific experiences that can trigger emotional endings. As children, we may not be able to process the effects of leaving a best friend because of a family move, losing our first dog or cat, or the painful experience of losing a parent through divorce or death. There are times when an experience may not have appeared to be so life altering, yet according to each person’s interpretation and reaction, it can create a significant roadblock that subsequently derails that individual’s ability to successfully follow a heartfelt dream, goal or passion for the future. Some examples of such obstacles that can easily detour our life paths can be an unexpected pregnancy, a DWI that mars a resume, a family illness that drains a perspective star athlete’s college fund or a necessary family move that forces friendships to come to an abrupt or unwanted separation. Endings and exits can be difficult. They arrive with and without warning, and they will always affect us. Some endings can be planned like a retirement or the last days of a terminally ill loved one who was able to designate specific plans for his/her funeral arrangements. However, the potency of each closure is not in the planning, it is in the allowing of the process itself. Even if an ending is evident, the process always carries a divine script that only an open and contrite soul can readily embrace. The purpose in this writing is to reveal the ongoing process that has happened and will continue to happen throughout our life’s journey. We will review and reexamine our experiences literally from birth to death. As we embrace each juncture point of importance, we will be able to reclaim the fruits in each rite of passage, which will thereby give us a greater meaning and value for who we have become. We will rediscover the loving hand of God lifting or carrying us over the troubled waters of our lives in ways that we may never have noticed before.