Awakening from the Dream

Gurudev’s voice continued speaking to me, teaching me, although not all of it registered consciously. I felt as though I was being worked with directly. He was attempting to validate the very questions I’d been asking, so I wouldn’t mistake his presence. “Do not expect anything. Just deepen into what you are experiencing, and trust my guidance.” My hands were at the heart chakra, positioned, gesturing silently, and I felt receptivity down deep. It was the presence of faith as a divine quality, parting the curtains that were doubt and ego. There was a breaking apart and breaking away of fear and resistance. “You don’t have to see me in person, which is why it’s important to establish contact in this way. I will meet you at the altar of your heart.” Again, all that was spoken faded in and out of my awareness. I was entranced with his voice inside my being, speaking to and awakening this one’s heart. A question was posed, and I wasn’t clear at first if it had come from me or him. I had to wonder if I was creating some kind of fantasy. I was in my thoughts and out of them at the same time. It was all quite curious. The question asked was, “Isn’t it beautiful outside?” So simple and out of place. My hands continued to dance their sacred mudras, and I had an interesting sensation that I was looking through his eyes. It was as if his body and my body were merged. I could see his nose as if it were mine, as well as his hair along my peripheral vision. I felt an undercurrent of panic, while also hearing his call of trust and letting go of the thoughts running through the mind. I was told: “Do not worry from where the guidance is coming. Just trust, let go, listen, and feel.” I felt my body being moved to a standing position and the momentum to walk coming through it. I didn’t know where I was walking. My eyes were only gently opened. Walking in a meditative zone, I followed the body and trusted. “Finish your meditation outside. Stay in meditation the whole way. You’ll know where to go.” I was well aware of my thoughts as they were present in the recesses of my awareness. I realized I might feel very silly when all of this was over, yet how could I not explore what was taking place? I had been fantasizing on my way back from the meeting room that maybe I would be lucky enough to run into Gurudev, if it was meant to be, and then perhaps I could speak to him. After all, he was staying in a bungalow across the field from the dorms. It was possible. As I continued to walk, I was feeling a magnetic pull to the center of the field. I was sat down in a spot I’d been guided to by the gentle prompting of Divine Mother. My awareness and energy were drawn inward, yet I could feel the mind racing with questions, questioning reality, fantasizing still that maybe Gurudev would come to the field. “Breathe. Relax. Let go.” The quieting of my mind was gradual as he guided me inward. I felt Divine Mother’s gentle sway controlling my breath, calming the mind, and relaxing the body. “Let go of all expectations, or you will miss the lesson you were brought here for.” Any thoughts still remaining were placed way in the back of my awareness, as if put on a shelf, and soon I lost all connection to them, or else they ceased to chatter. Instead I began to hear Gurudev’s voice. “Begin to feel yourself on the earth. Feel the sun on your face. Feel the breeze.” All of my senses became enlivened and intimately connected to the elements. It was as if my attention was guided into a widely receptive state and I became acutely aware of the sound of the dried leaves on the trees as they fluttered in the wind. I heard the barking of a dog off in the distance. There were a couple of different birdsongs being chirped all around me. The growling sound of trucks from somewhere far off in the distance and a horn beeping entered my awareness from off to my left side. All the sounds, regardless of how subtle or distant, felt loud and palpable and soon began to feel as a part of me. They were all perfect and harmonious. I felt from inside, not from a thought, that both the sounds of nature and those man-made were all perfect. There was an awareness that no wrong or right existed, no good or bad. I felt connected and one with all of them. I am that I am. The oneness of it all! “This is how it feels to live in the altar of your heart. Now keep feeling deeply.” There was a smile growing across my whole face, not just the mouth. I felt my chest expanding with a gentle warmth, and I felt a tingling, stretching sensation widening into an openness that defies words. “Let your edges merge, and feel yourself disappear into all that you are, all that is you. Feel the connection of all that is.” My body wasn’t solid anymore. I dissolved into the wind, the sun, the ground, the sound of trucks. I knew the beauty and love for everything, just as it was. I felt the magic and grace of what was being shown to me. The experience of oneness was in me, was me, was God. When I finally solidified back into the body, so did my normal state of being and consciousness. However, my face was still smiling, and divine ecstasy was still present. Gradually, my eyes effortlessly opened. The gaze remained soft as I slowly acclimated to the surroundings. Looking down, I saw I was sitting in a field of dried leaves that were all in the shape of a heart!