When I set my intentions to writing this book, my goal was to teach the reader that “Alone but Not Lonely” is a powerful statement. My hopes are two-fold. First, I hope to give you the reader practical, proven tools to help you find your alignment and your most powerful you. Secondly, my goal was not only to share my story to show that at any age you can become unapologetically you, but this writing exercise has also allowed me the gift of my own personal growth. I would like to highlight and recap several goals that I set out to share in this final chapter. It is truly my hope that by hearing my story and applying the practical tools discussed, you will be able to begin your journey or continue your journey to find your passions; follow your dreams; become unapologetically you; and most of all, be comfortable and most powerful when you are alone.
First, take some time to think about your identity. “Who would you be before the world told you who you should be?” It took me 53 years to really understand and be able to answer that question. Never lose site of the things that excite you and maybe put a little fear in you as well. Most importantly, whether you are in your 20’s, 30’s, 40’s, 50’s, etc. always remember you are an individual and have your own needs as well. Take challenges and allow yourself to dream and dream big. As soon as I gave myself permission to be me, I began to let go of my own challenges.
Enjoy change. Change is growth and learning. Life is full of transitions and obstacles. You are the driver in your life, and I will tell you this. When you are truly happy, satisfied and aligned you show up better for others that lean on you whether that is family, friends, or even the workplace. It comes down to aligning your mind, body, and spirit. Be gentle with yourself, because you are training yourself to change past patterns. Below is a summary of the tools I had talked about. My challenge for you is that as of today you begin to make a shift. Everyday get into a routine that fits your schedule even if its 5-10 minutes.
1. MINDSET: Mindset is how we look and react to things. In summary mindset is how we talk to ourselves. Quiet your mind from unnecessary, negative thoughts and replace them with positive, empowering beliefs. Then focus on this 3-step process of dream it, believe it and put it into action to shift your beliefs and mindset.
2. LIGHTEN YOUR LOAD: This can be a hard habit to break if you are a “yes” person. Do you volunteer for everything? Are you the first one to jump in to help out? Choose wisely! Choose things that are important to you and give yourself permission to say NO. Remember this goes for people and relationships as well. If it feels heavy, then let go of the weight.
3. 5-SECOND RULE: Every time you start to have doubts or that little negative voice starts talking, use the 5-second rule. Count down 5-4-3-2-1 before reacting or responding to a situation.
Morning: Start your day off right. Find your “ALONE” time to breathe, stretch, hydrate, and set your intentions for the day. Know exactly what you want for the day and go get it. Put yourself first even if it lasts for only a few minutes. This is your time to gather your thoughts only for you. I find it so interesting that as women, no matter what society say, we tend to put ourselves last. Even our pets come first! It has taken me 52+ years to acknowledge my power to do just that.
I know that when you do claim your powerful self, you carry yourself stronger and more confidently.
Evening: Disconnect from the devices and think about 3-5 things that made you happy from the day.
5. MEDITATION: Whether you are a spiritual person or not, find a quiet place where you can either close your eyes and just focus on the quietness. Practice deep breathing for 3-5 minutes. If you enjoy meditation, there are some wonderful apps that you can subscribe too.
6. JOURNALING: Bullet Journaling is a wonderful way to keep your calendar together with your thoughts. Keep a few pages to write down your gratitude, daily affirmations and/or words that make you feel powerful.
All in all, I want to leave you the reader with this. You cannot go back and erase your stories, bad days, moments and experiences. However, you can move forward to process your stories and experiences so that you can grow from them and in return carry them with ease. Healing begins when we stop running, deflecting, or hiding from the pain. Your alignment starts to happen when you acknowledge that you are ready to move forward by putting closure to whatever and whomever. It’s not forgetting the past, but it is accepting that when you are alone, you are not lonely.
My story really happened, and I have moved forward recognizing the past as I look ahead towards my future. My purpose in sharing my story is that I know that I am not alone. I want to acknowledge others to feel their story and know that not only can you break the cycle, but also you have the ability to reclaim and define your future. Create the life that you want to live and be unapologetically you at any age.