A Maze of Moments Every Day A New Beginning

CHAPTER 1 My First Visit Back in 2005 my morning routine consisted of; up for work, quick shower; feed the dogs, coffee, read the morning paper, out the door, pretty simple. This morning was like any other, well so I thought. I got into the shower and while washing my hair, suddenly, a picture popped into my head, red sweater, with pearl buttons. I remember it being very quick, just a snap shot, but this picture was so in my face I couldn’t ignore it and the weird thing was I knew that sweater. The picture was bright, clear and crisp. I rinsed my hair and stepped from under the shower and there it was again, this time, I was wearing the bright red sweater and I get the name Eleanor Johnson, as if someone was saying it out loud, but in my head. Her name was quick, loud, then gone, then back again, this time with her face, not as a person, but as a picture. I wasn’t shocked or frightened, more startled, surprised, I’d say. Did that just happen I asked myself? What was that? It was like someone popping out at you, you’re not scared just startled. I didn’t have to look around like there was someone else in the room, somehow I knew it was me, the sound was coming from my head, in my own voice. It’s hard to explain, it’s hard to put into words even today. I hadn’t thought of Eleanor in many years, at least since Buckingham Junior High School where I attended my 7th, 8th and 9th grades, I think around 1964 or 1965. If you would have asked me if I had a bully, I'd say yes, her name was Eleanor. It wasn’t until days after the shower incident, I realized I hadn't known Eleanor’s last name. How would I have known it in the shower? Eleanor was my bully. She tormented me every single day she was in school. I would walk to school hoping she would be absent. I’d scan the hallways looking and hoping, then I’d go to class, sit at my desk and suddenly she’d be behind me, my worst nightmare. She'd pull my long hair and stick gum in it. She always cheated off my school work; knocked my books off my desk, she did something to me every single day she was in school. This had become an awful time in my life. Until, one day, I’d had enough. Tattle telling, was not an option then, I knew I had to call her out. I wore my brand new red sweater with pearl buttons that specific day. Eleanor, sitting behind me in class started drawing with what I thought, was her finger, pictures on my back. Even when I'd moved up in my seat she’d reach further up. When I walked out of class I asked someone to look at my back. And there they were, pen marks. I was furious, South End, tom boy furious. At home, we didn’t have many new things, so when we got them we took care of them and she ruined my new sweater. I found her just outside the classroom and told her I had had enough, to meet me after school. Everyone was shocked and of course word spread fast. Fight. I knew she was either going to beat the crap out of me or never bother me again but it had to be done. I probably weighed 90 pounds soaking wet and Eleanor was twice my size or seemed to be. I met her after school with many supporters or non-supporters, the crowd would only be on the winner’s side. I remember saying to her, “Lets go”. She didn’t move she just stood there looking at me. I said nothing; she said nothing, everyone was very quiet, waiting. She then said, “I was only kidding.” She didn’t apologize but I knew we were done. I didn’t push it, I was getting out of there with my honor in-tack, but most of all, without getting my butt kicked. In days forward, Eleanor never bothered me again, ever. She didn’t talk to me, didn’t acknowledge me, ever, ever again, until the morning of June 8, 2005. I stepped out of the shower, dressed, feeling very weirded out, trying to wrap my brain around what happened and when I glanced at the clock, my quick shower took much longer than usual, somehow time got away from me. I didn’t have time to read the entire paper so I jumped ahead to the obituaries and there staring me right in the face, Eleanor Johnson, 53, born March 28, 1952 died June 7, 2005. Had she come to apologize to me? If she did, I accepted whole heartedly. I told a friend about my experience that morning, she knew Eleanor, and she told me Eleanor’s home life was awful. Now I understand and I think of her often, always with warm loving thoughts. Thank you Eleanor.