My Journey with Phil

They say a journey begins with just one step. And so mine did. As I left a local diner with my coffee, I stepped into one of those balmy, fragrant winter nights for which South Florida is so famous. Foregoing my usual fashion of rushing from one activity to another I took a deep breath and eased into the sensual delights of the night. How had I been so oblivious to the beauty and clarity of this perfect evening in my rush to grab a cup of coffee? I smiled in happy anticipation of returning to the Silva Method workshop I had been taking for the past three nights. There was a soft, humming feeling of expectation running through me, no doubt caused by the relaxation exercises I was learning from the Silva program. Little did I realize that in less than a minute, life as I knew it, would be forever and profoundly changed. Unaware, I had begun my journey. Walking through the parking lot toward the street, I was amused to find that my over active mind was uncharacteristically tranquil; definitely beneficial to me. As a type A personality, I had been advised by my doctor to learn stress management before I ruined my health. The reason for taking this Silva Method workshop was to learn how to lighten up; to release my habitual, uptight dash into my day’s agenda. My daily schedule was crammed with home, children, graduate school and volunteer work. Needless to say this caused a great deal of stress, often expressed by painful muscles spasms. And now I had chosen to take this workshop right in the middle of mid-term exams. As I approached the end of the parking lot, ready to cross the busy thoroughfare of Federal Highway, I paused to allow the traffic to clear. I looked into the bright lights of the approaching traffic and felt a perplexing shift in my immediate surroundings and within me. The air felt different, sweeter; my body tingled. I didn't seem to be breathing air but something more comforting. A strange word to use but nevertheless, the air filling my lungs felt comforting. A calm, complete and profound, infused me. My senses expanded to a razor-sharp clarity I had never before experienced and I become intensely aware of everything at once and yet experienced each thing individually and completely. The smells of the citrus and Jasmine Florida night, the fragrant coffee, the feel of the hot styrofoam cup in my hands, the whisper of soft night air on my face, the fabric of my clothes on my skin, the sounds of the city, the chirping of the night insects, all of these sensations thrilled and elevated me to an astonishing awareness. I looked up into the clear night sky and marveled at its beauty. And for a brief second I understood the perfection of everything; God’s handiwork, how it all fit together in the most simple, and yet amazing, intricate pattern; a perfect dance of creativity and manifestation and how necessary a component of that pattern mankind is. I felt my spirit lift and merge with the heavens, a peaceful and loving Oneness radiating around and through me. I am blessed was my dominate thought. After some timeless duration, I became aware of another shift moving very rapidly and I was swept along in it. I felt an urgency to get back to class, feeling I had been gone far too long. As I looked at the street I had to cross I was stunned to find I could not discern the individual lights of the on-coming cars. All traffic was whizzing along as one solid, buzzing mass; a monstrous stream of light and sound without interruption. I had a fleeting notion that the pupils of my eyes must be dilated. My body began to tremble. My heart was galloping in my chest, my breathing constricted, a full blown panic attack. My thoughts were a jumble of uncontrolled fears which exploded in my mind. What is happening! Something is wrong with my eyes! Am I going blind? Am I having a heart attack? I’m all alone out here. I need help! It was such a cruel and jarring departure from the profound peace I had just experienced. My mind was racing with Insistent, fearful questions - am I going to die here by the side of the road? I have to cross the street. I have to get back to the workshop. How will I ever get across this street? In the midst of my panic I heard, just to the right of me, a soothing, well modulated voice reply, “Don’t worry. You’ll get there.” I quickly turned to my right in monumental relief to thank my rescuer. But there was no one there. There was not a soul in that whole parking lot but me. I must have turned around in circles half a dozen times, looking for the person who had spoken to me. No one was there. No one. Scared and utterly bewildered, I shouted into the night, “What is going on?” Time shifted yet again and slipped into slow motion. Now I seemed to be the only thing moving in a static reality. I crossed that street in a state of amazement, totally unaware of the traffic or anything else. Somewhere between the street and the classroom, I felt renewed, no longer the person I was or would ever be again. That profound peace descended on me once more and I seemed to float along, not even feeling my feet touch ground as I returned to the workshop. I knew I was safe, loved and blessed. When I walked into the classroom our instructor was just calling the class back to business. I smiled in wonderment that my experience had taken less than a fifteen minute coffee break. I felt as if I had been gone for a lifetime.