God is Love

Many people do not love themselves; this is the root cause of some of their problems. Jesus taught that we could not love our neighbor until we first loved ourselves (Mark 12:31). This was a surprise to me when I studied this verse, because I had always believed that as a Christian I was supposed to sacrifice or deny myself and think of others first. No healthy relationship can exist without first loving yourself, so let me start by defining who self is. Self is you, the unique person God created you to be, unlike any other person. There is only one you on the planet with your distinct physical appearance, personality, thoughts, feelings, desires, fingerprints, and talents. When you choose not to love yourself, you are essentially telling God that he made a mistake because you are not worth loving. Have you ever created an artwork, a recipe, a song, or a solution to a problem that you loved but others did not like it? How did you feel? Hurt, angry, frustrated, sad? Perhaps this is how God feels when you do not love the unique person he created you to be. One of the reasons people struggle to love themselves is because they are afraid to be honest with themselves. They cover up and pretend the “bad” parts of them do not exist, so they are never free to be themselves. They fear they would be shunned by others if these parts were revealed. When you can freely admit your imperfections and not judge yourself harshly for them, they will lose their power over you. God’s love can then come in and heal these parts of you. Another reason people struggle to love themselves is because they do not see themselves as God perceives them. They think they are sinners or bad people because this is what they were taught or because of poor choices they made. However, when we receive the truth Jesus taught us, we are free, and sin becomes a choice rather than our identity. We can now see ourselves as God sees us—through the image of love rather than the image of sin. A third reason people struggle to love themselves is because they confuse loving self with being selfish. Many people believe self-love and selfishness are the same thing when in reality they are notably different. I will compare the two. Self-love is living life from a place of love, abundance, and peace. • You have an appreciation and respect for who you are. • You love and accept both the good and the bad parts of you; we are all created with the potential to do both good and bad. • You have a sense of humor and do not beat yourself up when you cannot do everything perfectly or please everyone around you. • You forgive rather than shame yourself. • You are humble; you know who you are, so you have no need to flaunt it before others. • You are teachable, able to receive constructive criticism or appropriate discipline, knowing it will make you a better person. • You do not let other people harm, use, or abuse you. • You live life the way you want to live instead of according to everyone else’s expectations of you. • You love yourself, so are able to freely love others. Selfishness is just the opposite of self-love. It is living life from a place of fear, lack, and worry. • If you do not get it first, someone else will. • If you do not protect it, someone will take it. • If you do not put yourself out front every time, no one will notice you. • If you share, there could be nothing left for you. • You put others down to make yourself look good. • You may not want to take care of yourself, exercise, or eat healthy. • You surround yourself with people who mistreat you, because that is what you believe you deserve. • You are unable to love yourself, so you lack love to give others. • You do something only if it will benefit you in some way. If we are supposed to love ourselves first before we love others, what did Jesus mean when he talked about denying or sacrificing ourselves or thinking of others first? I believe he meant that God and I are one, similar to how God and Jesus are one. God lives within me. I choose to let go and to deny myself of selfishness, fear, lack, or anything within me that does not agree with what Jesus taught and lived. As I deny and empty myself of the fear-based things the world values, I fill the empty space left behind with the presence and the character of God. By denying myself of everything that is not love, I become love. I am now able to deny, sacrifice self, or put others before self but to do so from a place of love rather than fear. When I am filled with love from and for God and love for self, I can give away possessions, money, information, wisdom, and time to help others and still feel fulfilled rather than depleted. The more I give away from a place of love, the more I receive back from God and others. When I deny, sacrifice, or put others before myself from a place of fear, I feel angry, anxious, cheated, resentful, or depleted. If you have struggled to love yourself or maybe were never given permission to love yourself, I invite you to do so now. Every time you pass a mirror, stop and look at yourself and say, “I love myself and God loves me too just as I am.” Some of you will have a difficult time doing this. Ask God to show you how he perceives you, and over time it will get easier for you to love yourself.