Love, Sex & Transcendence

This book is dedicated to my Tribe. To all of you sensitive souls who haven’t quite found home, just know, you are not alone.

Table of Contents

Dear Reader How to use this book Love Sex Transcendence Parting message About the author

Dear Reader,

My certainty is that if this book has landed in your hands, you were meant to have it.

We journey through our relationships with others much as we do our physical world. At first, we are small helpless creatures just begging to be loved. Our senses are not yet fully developed but we know what makes us feel good and what doesn’t. We want home. We want safety. And when we find this, so early in our young lives, we find love.

A bit older, we search for ways to expand that love. We discover that our bodies offer delicious sensations; that we are innately erotic. This fiery stage of development will either render us into ash or ignite us further. When it comes to relationships, the difference between these two outcomes is dependent on one thing, and one thing only: our conscious choice.

If we consciously choose for our relationships to serve as a vessel for our highest growth, we will always find transcendence. It may not look like what we had thought – there may be no Garden of Eden waiting for us on the other side. In fact, we may at first encounter a great deal of suffering that feels like a sort of death, but how welcomed that death is! It is the release of pride, ego, shame and self-doubt… these shed like the skin from a molting snake, revealing to you your own true nature, not just once, but over and over again.

And this, my dear reader, is why you were born.

S. M. Alam

How to use this book:

This book is divided into three sections titled Love, Sex, and Transcendence. Each section contains poetry (the art) and short essays (the science) on the elements of sacred relationships. They create a literary yin yang that will guide you toward cultivating an intimate connection between yourself and your lover. My intention with these pieces is to trigger an awakening deep within you. It is not to prescribe any particular method for how this awakening will occur; rather, I leave that up to your highest Self to determine.

Before reading, I suggest quieting your mind and setting a personal intention for what you would like this book to provide for you. For example, if you are struggling with a particular situation and are seeking clarity, focus on an open-ended question. Instead of asking, “did I choose the right person to be in a relationship with?” which would yield a yes or no answer, you might ask, “how does the relationship I have with my partner affect my life as a whole?” This open-ended questioning invites the subconscious mind to reveal itself in layers and symbols. Once the question is clear in your conscious awareness, randomly open to any page and read the message given to you without judgment. There is no coincidence, only synchronicity, so treat the reading with curiosity and notice if it resonates with you. Acknowledge the message and make your own meaning from my words. They are my gifts to you.

Alternatively, you may choose to read this book from start to finish. In fact, I recommend this method at least once, for the writings are designed to build upon each other much like an orgasm. The pieces are arranged to set a strong emotional foundation from which you feel safe enough to leap into the unknown. This is what our relationships are all about, after all - the balance between safety and uncertainty. We plant our feet firmly on the earth while allowing our spirits to roam free, as they were designed to do, with each other.

(Disclaimer: The material in this book does not constitute professional medical advice and should not be used as such. The reader should consult his or her physician for any matters related to their personal health.)

Lover, please don’t quench another thirst of mine I beg,

for though I find my mouth is dry, your ink flows through my pen.

S. M. Alam

LOVE

Love starts things off, but it also finishes us off. It’s the alpha and the omega, birth and death, both the beginning and ending of this book. We start in love because we must examine our current concept of love that serves as the foundation for our relationships.

How does love show up in your life? Is it predominantly a noun or a verb? How do you know that you have found it? What does love really mean to you?

I am afflicted by an uncommon ailment - I let my heart decide what to love, and only then does my mind follow.

Most of us have never witnessed effective examples of self-love as children. Even though self-love is our natural state and one that could be easily maintained if it were not for our current society, we often need to learn how to cultivate it as adults.

The problem becomes the lack of resources to help us love ourselves, even when we are conscious of the need to do so. Expressing self-love as an adult has been interpreted as selfish and self-indulgent – as if it takes away from someone else. Thus, we martyr ourselves in the name of love. But this is not how love works. Love does not exclude the lover from its gifts.

You don’t have to have mastered self-love to truly love another person, but your ability to love yourself acts as a lubricant for all other love that you express. It is a prerequisite to loving another person well. By loving yourself, you evolve into an exceptional lover for your partner – ever compassionate, kind, and allowing.

The key to understanding this process lies in the brain’s perspective of us versus other people within the context of our projected reality. In our close relationships, we unconsciously incorporate our partners into our self-concept. Our brains merge the perception of our loved ones with the perception of ourselves in the formation of the ego. Meaning, who we perceive them to be reflects on us and vice versa. Because of this, we will subconsciously project all of our own fears and insecurities onto them if we are not careful.

If you don’t love and accept yourself, you don’t have the necessary skills to love and accept your partner.

While loving someone else enhances your ability to love yourself, this usually occurs when the partner you have chosen is already adept at self-love. You learn from their example of how they love themselves how to love yourself. In contrast, if you have chosen to love someone whose actions are based on a fundamental lack of love for themselves, your journey to self-love will be much more arduous. In fact, you may find that loving yourself is incompatible with continuing a relationship with such a partner.

Why not give the ones you love a special gift? Love yourself to be a more effective lover of other people.

My wish for you is to be loved so deeply by your Self, that you can’t help but become Love for everyone else.

Everyone keeps telling me “This is what love is!” Pointing in all directions erratically,

not realizing that what their fingers crave most of all is to rest gently against their own lips.

Hold both palms open, your fortune will be read. Lover or loved assigned, then close your palms again. There seems a choice to make, is one your destiny? No, you’re always both, forever in between.

If you find yourself in a black vacuum of nothingness and nobody-ness, will you still believe that you are loved?

If no one calls you beautiful, if no one believes you are worthy, are you no longer so?