Star Children

Chapter 1 My Journey It began with me, a child born on planet Earth, here to experience the magical mysteries and flower-filled fields that live so vividly within my heart and soul. I know I am here as a great being of love, a miracle maker, a visionary, a healer, a conduit of pure energy, a voice for my highest self, and a creator of joy. When I entered this world as a small child, I remembered why I was here—living, breathing, and being me and then I forgot. I was lost in the experience of the life I was born into—the stories, expectations, and emotions and what was a wave of confusion for many years. I felt deeply, cried rivers, played freely, and became a silent prisoner of the world I lived in. Trying to keep the peace that flowed so naturally within my soul, I found joy in the silent company of my companion kitties and the soft escape of worlds I discovered in books, sitting by rivers, and while resting under trees. I loved the forest, plants, animals, and star-filled skies. Everything else was just there, and I discovered ways to be happy. Yet deep inside, I was lost; something was missing. What could it be? It was me. I was disconnected from myself. This took years—a journey of many moons—to discover and was a continual journey of releasing the layers that are not authentically who I am. Today I sit here, grateful, humbled, radiantly loving this experience, its gifts and blessings, and the constant invitation to surrender deeply, open wide, and to live wildly free. I am an angel on earth. I see, love, and know the best in all, with a deep desire to keep the peace, be loved, and love all into their wholeness. We choose our paths before we arrive on earth; this includes our missions, purposes, and families. I grew up safe in a small rural community in Connecticut, on the East Coast of the United States. My parents divorced when I was four, and my mom and stepdad primarily raised me, with the exception of every-other-weekend visits with my dad and soon-to-be stepmom. My family followed traditional Catholic values, which were passed on from their upbringing. We were quiet on the outside, living very sheltered, ordinary lives. Yet my heart was broken by the stiffening silence. I could feel the pain, and it stirred deep within my soul. I cried the tears my loved ones held back and felt the pain buried deep in their hearts, completely unaware that this was something I was doing until much later in life. My heart was broken by the collective wounds that many of us adopt merely by coming into a human body on earth at this time. The invitation to conform grew strong, yet the truth is my soul could only forget so much before I rebelled. I rebelled against my family and all that felt like a journey of numbness. As I entered middle school and chose my own friends, I realized that the limited perspective of my conservative upbringing and sheltered family life did not resonate with me; it was not my truth. My new friends made me aware that I was the peacekeeper, always apologizing and not understanding the worth of my words or perspective. They actively reminded me to stop apologizing; there was nothing to apologize for. At age thirteen, I moved into a friend’s home for a time, as the strict rules, ideas, and environment at home were stifling. At this time, I began dressing expressively, with angel-like clothes and often a head of tiny blonde braids. I began to explore drugs at the same time to numb all my uncomfortable feelings and gifts. It took the edge off while I came out of a sheltered closet, and it served as a means of self-exploration until I had the sudden realization that I was hurting myself. I went through this phase at a very young age and never had the desire to return to it, as it became a coping behavior. In reality, no one could stop me but, of course, myself.