Fluttering on Earth

Preface

This collection of poetry originated many years ago when I wrote about my experiences and my relationships with several active alcoholics. I use the image of the butterfly because these creatures are among the most beautiful in the world, and I attach spiritual significance to them. In Aztec folklore, butterflies are said to be the reincarnation of warriors. The Japanese consider the butterfly to be the personification of a person's soul; whether they are living, dying, or already dead. One Japanese superstition says that if a butterfly enters your guestroom and alights behind a bamboo screen, the person whom you most love is coming to see you. In some older cultures, butterflies symbolize rebirth after being inside a cocoon for a period of time. In poetry, they often represent freedom, whimsy, or transformation.

I started writing poetry about 25 years ago when I needed an avocation other than my career in public health. Since that time I have undergone a spiritual change through twelve step programs, Unity teachings, A Course in Miracles, meditation, and writing. The metamorphosis and the poems that accompanied this change are chronicled here.

By letting go of grievances, forgiving those who I feel have wronged me, finding beauty in nature, and feeling grateful for my many blessings, I have become a person who is unknown to my former self. For that I am grateful.

The format of the collection consists of a poem on one page and an affirmation with a statement about the poem on the page following in order to enhance the understanding of the poem. Affirmations are useful tools for turning around negative thoughts. The poems are arranged in order from darker themes to lighter, more spiritual themes. These poems and accompanying affirmations are inspirational and can help others overcome the difficulty of a relationship with a non-recovering alcoholic or other addicted person. There are many paths to recovery that offer hope for dealing with the toughest and most traumatic of relationships. This is one of those paths.

First Memories

I remember Howdy Doody on the small

TV in the dark 1950’s living room in Wheaton,

Maryland and the single bed in the little

bedroom, being frightened of something

under the bed, or maybe on it, and Santa

Claus sightings by my brother who insisted

he saw him in the night sky Christmas Eve

when I was six, and the song from summer

camp found a peanut, found a peanut, found

a peanut just now, how sad the song seemed

to me then, and walking to church

and summer camp on Viers Mill Road, finding

treasures by the roadside for my secret box—

a marble, a trinket, a piece of jewelry.

I recall chocolate milk and not ever sleeping

at naptime in kindergarten. I loved

Tarzan and Pinky Lee, not multiplication

tables. I recall the attention

my toddler sister got when she broke

her glasses, and cutting my hand

in the dining room, a scar remains.

I don’t remember my parents much—

if I didn’t have pictures, I wouldn’t

know that they existed at all.

Affirmation: I am a unique and blessed child of God.

In one sense, I raised myself, though not successfully at first. This led me to a life in which I sought ways to parent myself, to create joy, love, and happiness, as well as to seek healthy friends and relationships. My childhood propelled me to search out personal and spiritual growth experiences to attain higher levels of spiritual health. I do not regret this childhood because it allowed me to grow into a strong, resilient person. I was able to overcome a great deal of adversity and learn many life lessons.