The Caregiver Within

My spiritual journey has awakened many sensations, understandings, and an all-encompassing knowing in me. How is it that I, at fifty-nine years old, have been given the test, gift, lesson, or maybe job of being the caregiver of my daughter, Marie, who is thirty-nine years old and severely compromised by a stroke? Is this my karma? Am I being punished? Is she being punished? Did she do this for me in a previous life? Did I promise to do this for her before she and I were born and in the forming of an intertwined life together as spirits? How do I understand this huge change that completely transformed my husband’s and my retirement? I once read that we promise to do things for souls when we are still in spirit form. I strongly feel I must have promised Marie I would care for her while she was sick and I was physically able to. Or maybe she promised to help me through a specific lesson that is involved in becoming a caregiver. One thing I know for sure is that we have had many lifetimes together, and we have assisted each other in these lifetimes. But all in all, I did not realize what this experience was going to do for me several years later. I decided to write this book in hopes that it will help the many who become caregivers for loved ones without notice, experience, or even wanting to, and to let you see what happens when you open your heart unselfishly and lovingly without resisting. We get to a point in our lives when we think, Okay, I have raised my children, worked fourteen hours a day for years, and now I can sit back and have a few vacations, read, enjoy my garden, have a glass of wine with my husband as we prepare dinner, enjoy my grandchildren, and just be. Then something drastic happens to one of your children, and your life is forever changed and stunted. You are suddenly taking care of one of your daughters as if she were a little child in an adult body. This type of care is very taxing on everyone in the household and especially on you because your body, which has aged, starts to rebel against the requests being made of it. You suddenly realize how old you are. Your physical body does not move as it did when you were thirty years old. Your balance is not as coordinated either. Your mind thinks there is no difference until you actually try to change this grown-up child’s clothes and try to pick her up from the bed or the wheelchair. Then your muscles ache from yesterday’s tasks, and you wonder how long you will have to do this. Every day becomes harder and harder as you are introduced to all the different things you will now have to do every single day. Then your mind starts to hurt too, not to mention your heart, which aches at the sight of her constant crying. How do people do this every day? Imagine the inner strength you develop as you do these tasks every day. Spirit, our dear God, continually makes Himself known, and you can feel He is always there with you. You are certain that without His help you could not continue in this manner and still feel good and contented. Lessons are placed in our path, and we cannot walk by them because they are for us to work at and accomplish. Then we are free to continue down that spiritual road to the all-knowing avenue. But as you walk and stumble because of yet another lesson, smile and turn to God; acknowledge that you know it is for your growth that these lessons appear. Once you have started that spiritual journey, you will continue to grow and get closer to Spirit, our dear God. It really does get easier, because you know that all of this learning is for the greater good. It will help you become a better person, filled with love, light, compassion, empathy, understanding, and the all-knowing that we strive for every day. What I have learned through all this is that if you look at things through a negative lens, you will get nothing but negative results. However, if you choose to look at things through a positive lens, then only positivity follows, allowing you to feel and see things you would have probably missed.