A Suitcase Tale—Lee Ann

The tiny sparrow ruffled it’s feathers against the chill April wind and clung to it’s perch on the branch of the hardy spruce growing close to the motel. Lee Ann was staring out the second floor window, unaware of the small bird just feet away from her. She was thinking of another place and rehearsing a speech; one she had been unable to give until recently. She needed to see her sister and tell her... but not over the phone. She bit the edge of her lip as she dialed. Her cigarette smoldered in the ashtray on the bedside stand next to her. She had talked to her sister, Marcia, only once in the years since their mother’s funeral. Now the time had come. Her assignment here in Idaho would be over next month and she planned to head to to Colorado. She was certain the call would surprise Marcia, but still...

“Hello, This is the O’Conner’s”

The deep male voice caught Lee Ann off guard. Certainly Liam wasn’t already home. It was only four in the afternoon. Could it possibly be the oldest boy ? What was his name anyway? She couldn’t remember.

“Is your mother home?”

“Yes she is. Whom should I say is calling?”

“Tell her it’s her sister Lee Ann.”

Only seconds passed before Marcia was on the line.

“Lee Ann ! How are you ? Where are you?”

“Wow! You really have that kid trained. He sounds like a damn secretary.”

“It’s called phone manners, Lee Ann. Are you Okay? What’s going on with you?”

“I’m finishing an assignment in Boise. I have taken some time off before I start in California. Thought I’d come for a visit if you’re agreeable.”

“I’d love to see you. It’s been way too long. I’ve had a hard time keeping up with you. My last Christmas card was returned as not deliverable and I was worried about you. Collette didn’t have your address either.”

“I’m fine. I did a couple of short stints in Oregon and Connecticut during strikes, then I came to Idaho. It was a lot of miles in a short time, but the pay was too good to turn down. We can talk when I get there.”

“How long can you stay?”

“About a week, if we don’t drive each other crazy.”

“That’s great. You’re certainly welcome. I have one stipulation though. You are going to have to clean up your mouth.”

“Oh shit. Do your kids have virgin ears ? I’ll bet they’ve heard some bad language by now. You can’t protect them from the real world forever, you know.”

“I’m well aware of that, but we don’t allow profane or vulgar language in our home.”

“It must be real hard when you’re mad as hell and can’t express yourself.”

“I think you’d be surprised how many words in the English language allow for self expression. Anyway, I’m glad you’re coming. It won’t kill you to clean up your speech for the short time you’re here. Do you have a definite arrival date ?”

“Could we leave it open? It want to stop and see Collette and her family on the way. I should hit Denver mid June.

“OK. Just keep me informed.”

Lee Ann flopped on the bed. She was relieved that the call was over. It wasn’t a warm fuzzy conversation, but it had gone better than she expected, although she really wasn’t sure what her expectations were. She took a long drag on her cigarette.

“Clean up my mouth. Right ! She should be thankful it’s a lot better than it used to be. She’ll probably have me smoke outside while we”re at it.” Lee Ann was annoyed. “Maybe, I should tell her the trip just isn’t worth the trouble.”

However, Lee ann wasn’t about to forgo this visit. Her need trumped what ever trouble the visit would entail.

It would be different at Collette’s. She seemed more easy going, more willing to accept Lee Ann as she was. But after some consideration, Lee Ann realized that Colette had said something about her mouth too.

Life had been stressful, and when life was stressful, Lee Ann had found relief by venting her emotions with foul language. It hadn’t always been the case. Everyone had called her the “quiet one”. Most of her childhood, she was “Marcia’s quiet sister”, never just Lee Ann Gardinier. Even her grade school teachers always linked her with her older sister when talking about her. She guessed that she was partly to blame. Park School had tried to give her a different teacher in first grade. She had protested so loudly and cried so hard about being with Mrs. Smith, when her sister had had Mrs. Cooper, that she was switched to Mrs. Cooper’s class. There were no further attempts to place her with teachers other than those who had taught Marcia. She followed her sister year after year.

When Julia, their mother, had brought her and Collette home from the orphanage in Torrington, Lee Ann was too scared to say much, let alone swear. She became even quieter. Julia would frequently threaten to send the girls back when the responsibility became too overwhelming for her. Their mother keenly felt the the strain on her very limited income, and pushed Lee Ann to find a job, even though the thirteen year old was not able to legally work. The persistent uncertainty kept Lee Ann awake at night. Her nail-biting became a daily habit and she began to sneak cigarettes from the kitchen cabinet where Julia stored them. Anything to lessen the awful stress. She wished her father would take her and Collette to his home, but the offer or his presence never materialized. He was busy with Velma’s girls.

When things seemed about to boil over, Julia would call Marcia. Lee Ann could hear their mother complain about her and Collette. Whatever Marcia said would calm Julia for several weeks; then the cycle would start again. She always wondered what Marcia could say that made their mother back down. Why had Julia never listened to her the same way she listened to her older sister? It was always Marcia, Marcia, Marcia.

Even in her earliest thoughts, Marcia was present. Lee Ann could remember waking in her crib and seeing Marcia’s dark eyes watching her through the bars. She was getting too big for the crib, but the only other real bed was in the adjacent bedroom, and was usually shared by Marcia and their mother. Sometimes mother opened the roll-away and Marcia slept in Lee Ann’s room. Lee Ann liked having her sister there. She felt secure in her closeness. When Lee Ann wanted out of the crib, it was frequently Marcia who came to help her over the lowered rail.

Comfort in Marcia’s physical presence did not mean she wanted to be bossed by her older sister and Marcia could be bossy. Their first fight, one of her earliest memories of childhood, was at that ghastly Casper Children’s Home. The cause of the squabble was long past recall, but she could remember the consequences in vivid detail. She had bitten her sister, hard and squarely on her shoulder, drawing blood. Her teeth were still clamped on Marcia’s shoulder when Miss Brown reached them.

The slap on Lee Ann’s cheek was hard enough to break the connection. A howling, bleeding Marcia was taken to the infirmary. Fingers dug into Lee Ann’s arm. Miss Brown pulled her to a chair in the crowded play room and threw her over her lap. The public punishment embarrassed the shy Lee Ann and the intensity of it’s administration thoroughly frightened her....