Still Standing; A Survivor’s Story

Introduction What would you do? In retrospect, I know my path was outlined and protected by the universe from which I came. Many thoughts passed through my subconscious, urging me to answer their magnificent call, but fear, lack of better judgment, and not trusting the process delayed my journey. Many seeds have been planted to nurture this story of unfathomable perseverance. It is perfectly correct to assume that articulating words on paper released the bondage by which my spirit was once trapped and set me free from a self-constructed prison, which secluded me from others. My abusers gave me the gift of tapping into a mental nirvana, which is readily available to everyone, even those who are foreign to enduring trauma. Most individuals, however, are unaware this heavenly place exists. In this tranquil land, I found the key to serenity and physical detachment, regardless of my outside circumstances. As Dr. Wayne Dyer always says, “It is impossible to come from nothing and achieve divinity, unless you were divine in the first place.” And he was right! Beaten before Born I am the product of an unwanted pregnancy. My parents were never married, and I was conceived in the back of the Normandy Bar in Los Angeles, California. My father was an AWOL marine, drowning in addiction; my mother was a divorced, pill-popping psychotic. It was a match made so far away from heaven that God himself had to protect me. My father kicked my mother in the stomach when I was in her womb. He did not want me because I was not a boy—or that is how the story goes. Both parents did the best they could with what they had. This is not a story about blame. I believe that there are no victims in situations, only lessons one needs to learn in order to reach one’s individual calling. My parents simply had other priorities than raising a daughter. I believe we choose our parents to fulfill our soul’s journey as we incarnate into this universe. I know now that it is my destiny to help others who were raised in manure to blossom into the most beautiful flowers, by encouraging them to “honor the place inside their spirit, where the entire universe dwells” (Ram Dass).