What Did I Learn Today? Lessons on The Journey to Unconditional Self-Love
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Somehow there was always something happening around my life that had to be sanitised. Ever since I’ve known myself, I believed that I must only show my good side to “outsiders “ as I would be considered less than worthy and in return that is what I demanded of the “outsiders”. I would hear the adults at the house on the Terrace where I grew up talking and the conversation seemed most of the time to be about who was making mistakes and being foolish, who was not being a good mother and wife and that shaped my view on what it meant to be excellent and suitable.
I made up my mind .I would be perfect. That meant doing well in school, speaking well, behaving like a proper lady in public. This went on to me making up my mind to getting married, having a good marriage, a good job and doing everything well. There would not be a family conference on me for sure!
Self imposed perfection, can be demanding especially when it’s so many times, untrue! I found myself working harder to keep up an image rather than working hard on what really mattered like being true, honest and saying how I really felt. Not letting people know where I am or how I felt! If anyone asks, how are you? I’m fine! I wasn’t fine! But I programmed myself to say and act “fine”
I was the poster child for having it all together, for being “fine “. I did well at school, boys were not even on my radar, I didn’t go to parties. I was content to be at home reading or watching football. If I asked to go out, it was rare and if I was told no I would be upset for days and walk around the house in a funk, talking to no one even when spoken to. It drove my folks crazy.
Getting married at a very young age and being the first one in the family for a long time, I strongly believed that there was an expectation, a precedent set. And where did I get that from? I made it up! We make up stories to facilitate our position and many times the stories are not only untrue but they are negative! Lesson learnt was if you are making up stories make them positive and affirming!
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About the Book
It’s a funny thing when you take responsibility for your life and tell the absolute and brutal truth. What’s the famous saying? The truth will set you free? Yes, it sure does.
The time had come to be brutally honest, to tell the truth, to take responsibility. This is my story, the journey of how I discovered love for me, unconditionally.
About the Author
Akosua Dardaine Edwards is the founder of the Enabling Enterprise Project, a progressive and interactive pilot project, which aims to partner Caribbean and international women’s business support agencies, policymakers, and women entrepreneurs from all over the world for the enhancement, empowerment, exchange of ideas, and experience and best practice of women’s enterprise and entrepreneurship worldwide.
Akosua has worked throughout many countries, including Uganda, Tanzania, India, and her native Trinidad and Tobago, with women and youth entrepreneurs, combining her expertise of entrepreneurship, empowerment, and transformation. Akosua’s work has also been featured in thenextwomen magazine and Katalyst Business Magazine Jamaica. Follow Akosua on her journey at www.awecapt.blogspot.com.