Shine Your Light … Illuminate Your Love

Dating should be a time to explore, a time to find out what we like and don’t like in a partner. All too often, dating becomes a time to be needed, a time to verify to yourself and to the world that you are desired—by someone. In order to approach dating as an exploration, you have to approach it from a position of power. I don’t mean power in a crushing, negative way. I’m speaking of your own personal power. Imagine being out shopping for shoes. There are so many shoes out there. You get the itch to shop and choose a store where there are aisles and aisles of shoes. Your eyes move quickly through the choices, when all of a sudden you stop. You’ve found the perfect black heels. They are so lovely that you have to pick them up and touch them. You keep them in mind as you continue to peruse the shelves, finding a few other pairs that strike your fancy. This is shopping from a position of power. You know what you like and you know what you don’t like. Most importantly, you revel in all the choices at your disposal. If you’re smart, you’re open to new styles that you haven’t considered before. You might as well try them on—there’s nothing to lose. Now, imagine you are one of the few post-apocalyptic survivors (dramatic, I know). You need shoes badly. Your feet are blistered and bleeding from the rough terrain. While on your depressing trek (you’ve seen the movies), you notice a small pile of shoes. “Shoes! It’s my lucky day! At long last, my feet will be protected and these shoes will help me walk on the difficult path with ease.” Since there is only a handful to choose from, you look through the pile desperate to find a pair that will fit. You couldn’t care less about style, material, or color. Some are far too small and hurt while others are way too big and fall off when you walk. You end up settling for the big ones…at least they won’t hurt you that much. This, my friends, is shopping from a position of desperation. That was my dating life for many, many years. Searching for that person who would make me feel better, safe and whole, who wouldn’t hurt that much. I just waited for someone to show the slightest bit of interest in me, then I would throw myself at him, hoping he would like me for real. I wasn’t even shopping from a position of desperation. I wasn’t shopping at all—I was pathetically waiting to be picked up and touched, just like those heels. The confident shopper soon learned that the product he had picked out was not made with the quality workmanship that he desired, and there I was—dumped right back on the shelf.