Love is Blind Only if You Are
A Woman’s Clear-Headed Guide to Deliberate Dating
by
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TABLE OF CONTENTS
Chapter 1 That Dating Place - Is he interested? Am I? How do I know?
How You Got Here
Your Dating Age
How You’ll Know Better This Time
It’s a Process
Chapter 2 Stuff No One Will Tell You ‘Cause They Don’t Know Either
Cinderella Head
Sex – To Do It or Not To Do It
What You Want Versus How You Act
Friends with Benefits
Chapter 3 Your Real Friends
The Value of a Real Friend
Signs Your Friends are Worried
Giving Up Friends
Be Smart About Safety (I’m not talking about condoms.)
Chapter 4 Drama Queen
Why You Need to Know About Drama
The Drama Source
Drama Types
What’s the Alternative?
Chapter 5 The Secret - It Starts with You
The Default Dating Cycle
You’re Single, Not Alone
What Does it Take to Keep You
If He Calls or Not
Be Deliberate
Chapter 6 B.A.T.s, Bad Ass Trouble
Signs of the Bad and Idiotic
B.A.T. Types
Once a B.A.T., Always a B.A.T.?
We Allow It
Chapter 7 Choosing Who Gets a Chance
Not Every Man Deserves a Chance
Defining Mr. Right for You
Live Your Standards
Chemistry
The Answer is Obvious
Chapter 8 Danger! Danger! You’re About to Settle.
The Mr. Good Enough Trap
Does He Like Me
What Was I Thinking
Danger Signs
Where IS He??? The Good Man Who’s Great In Bed?
Chapter 9 Breaking Up
Have an Anthem
Breakup Sponsor
Knowing Why
I Wish It Were Different
Chapter 10 The Possibilities
There are Men Everywhere
Dating Fatigue
Taking the Risk
The Heart of the Matter
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Glossary
INTRODUCTION
We love romantic movies where the guy gets the girl and before the credits roll, they’re headed blissfully down the aisle. That might be a great wedding event, but is it a relationship? Sometimes the heroine is swept off her feet by a real sleaze ball who doesn’t deserve to be on the same planet with her. This got me thinking:
•Why do women make life-long relationship decisions based on what it takes to get or keep him instead of what it takes for him to deserve us?
•Why do we run our love lives on default, going through the dating motions until one of the men we meet decides to stay around a while instead of choosing who we want to have around?
The default setting is no way to create a joyful, fulfilling life with the love and devotion you seek.
One of the best things I ever did for my love life was to engage my business sense and figure out some dating standards. In business, I begin with “What are we trying to accomplish?” The question creates a common direction and defines the criteria for what you want. Making well thought-out compromises along the way is part of the process. We’re being deliberate, not making decisions by default.
So I ask you - why aren’t we using our heads – our deliberate self – when it comes to love? Your heart must be part of the process, though it shouldn’t be the only factor in choosing who gets a chance. Time and time again, I see women make the same mistakes I have and ignore the Bad Ass Trouble Signs (B.A.T.) when it comes to dating and relationships. It means you settle for what you find, instead of what you want, and compromise yourself in the process… all under the mask of love. I learned these lessons the slow, painful way, and sometimes it took more than once, so my intention is to shorten your learning curve.
•It’s about choosing not settling.
•Knowing yourself first, before you decide who he should be.
•Having the strength to walk away from a man you know isn’t right for you. (I avoided two divorces because I let go of men I knew weren’t a match before we headed down the aisle.)
Along with my own love lessons, throughout my life I’ve been honored that people have sought me out for help, perspective and a voice of reason for their life and relationship problems. After much encouragement to share my experience and practical wisdom with women everywhere, I give you Love is Blind Only if You Are. Building the courage to make good deliberate decisions with your head and your heart is a devoted theme throughout.
May it bring you some insight, support, laughter, and knowledge. Most importantly, may it empower you, your relationships, and your love life.
Date Deliberately,
Debra
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Book Details
About the Book
Take Off Your Love Goggles
If you are nervous about dating, afraid of making mistakes in your love life, or want to know how it could be easier, here’s a hint: the guy in the equation isn’t the problem.
The truth is, love is blind only if you are.
Before you go out on another date, open your eyes and see the whole relationship process differently. Mr. Right for You could be just around the corner, except you may not recognize him. Discover how to clearly define what you want and how to use that knowledge to date smarter.
Love Is Blind Only if You Are provides real tools to help you make deliberate decisions using your head and your heart to build meaningful relationships for life.
•Understand your strengths; protect yourself from your weaknesses; learn to say yes, no, maybe, and not yet.
•Change your internal settings from default to deliberate.
•Learn to accept your emotions; address fear, cultivate joy, and directly manage your expectations.
Stop being blinded by your search for Mr. Perfect. Dump Mr. Jerk. Never settle for Mr. He’ll Do. Instead, learn to choose Mr. Right for You.
About the Author
Debra Kunz is a business consultant who empowers workplace leaders to make deliberate decisions about building relationships in their professional lives. Now, Deb shares her relationship sense, business sense, dating sense, common sense, and sixth sense with women seeking a new perspective on meaningful personal relationships. Deb holds a master’s degree in business and is accredited in building personal strengths. She lives, works and dates in the Kansas City area.