Stop Searching for Your Guru and Look in the Mirror
I found God in myself and i loved her
i loved her fiercely
The number of ways that I have tried to find and connect with a Higher Power are numerous. For years, I tried controlling what I put in my body. I tried losing myself in relationships and I tried being single. I tried exercise. I was Born Again, but then of course, I still overate and drank. That did not work for me. I tried sweat lodges, tarot cards, crystals, oils, sage, incense, meditation, yoga, drumming, chanting, trance, Reiki, formal education, self education, natural child birth, and mountain top retreats sleeping in a teepee. I looked for the magic wherever it seemed to plausibly exist. I wanted to find it in order to discover God.
I also consciously and physically searched for my guru. I went to seminars and conferences. I bought books, tapes, and CD’s. I joined churches and email groups, and have traveled to 16 different countries to examine pyramids, coliseums, mausoleums, the oldest known site of an Oracle, museums, sea scrolls, mountains, bodies of water, churches, graveyards, temples and mosques. In searching for my guru, I have read hundreds of books on religion, theology, psychology, self-help, quantum physics, addiction and child development.
When I was lucky enough to find someone to believe in, and actually meet this person, I would usually become disappointed after sitting with them for a brief period of time. Some say that your guru should always live three valleys away. This is true. Everyone has clay feet. I was looking for a God with bones and skin, and only found these potential mystics to be too fat, hairy, unkempt, perfect, soft-spoken, loud, bossy, timid, backwards or New Age. My own arrogance astounds me.
Most people are wholly unprepared for
their enormity. We think too small. In fact, thought itself
is not big enough to encompass the truth.
- Stephen Levine
Learning to live a life of faith and service has been a wild ride. I am not sure that anyone can claim to have it all together. However, I have discovered my own definition of “having it all together”, with which I am satisfied. If one can acquire the habit of positive thinking, which leads to positive action, which manifests a harmonious life, one can believe they have it all together. This is not delusional positive thinking, such as, “ I am the Queen of Sheba” or “I can rob banks and not get caught”. Instead, this involves true positive thinking that leads to wellness, health, and being a good and decent person. Positive thinking lets a person feel that they deserve to live a joyful and abundant life. Life works in my favor, and all is well when I believe so.
Coming to this conclusion, believing it, and employing it, has taken me years. It is the secret to health, happiness and joy. It provides the road from affliction to avatar. My biggest challenge each day is to remember this secret, so that I can live joyfully, and not linger for a moment in the negative.
I had to leave behind any habit, substance or person that took my mental energy away from me, and robbed me of my ability to co-create my vision of life. Obsessive thinking, guilt, shame, remorse and resentment took my mental energy, before I learned to spend time and on positive thoughts, words and actions. Bless you if your parents told you this, but mine did not, and it took me a long time to incorporate these habits even after I learned of their power. Today, I add value to the planet with an elevated consciousness that resulted from enlightened self care. I do this in ordinary ways, and I do not expect reward. This way of life is its own reward. I am entirely fulfilled by it.
One well-known definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. As I have demonstrated, I learned that I had a thinking problem. According to Emerson, the ancestor to every action is a thought. So it is clear that I have a thinking problem if I think that “this time, it will be different” before engaging in the same destructive pattern of behavior. I was not capable of having my thinking straightened out until I was willing to behave differently. I did not know how to behave differently, so I had to ask someone I trusted to tell me how to behave. Then I had to do what I was told. For me, that was the road back. It sounds simple, but it is really hard. That is why so many people leave the journey of self-growth for the nearest In-and-Out Burger or Foster’s Freeze.